Too Many Ways
by Cofkett
Summary: Deleted/alternate/extra scenes for "How Many Ways To Say I Love You". Super M. Not every chapter, but still.
1. Big News: Penguins

**A/N: Original opening scene of Chapter 9 (Big News). This entire one-shot was way, way too long. It sort of ran away from me. This is is the first of many scenes/parts of scenes that didn't make it into that chapter. Anything in bold appeared in the final edit - except for the Author's Notes, obviously.**

She knew something was off the moment he walked through the door. First of all, his meetings never ran this long. Secondly, he normally liked to make an entrance. This evening, he slipped quietly through the door with none of his usual swagger.

"Hey," she greeted him, putting her book down and rising to swing her arms arms around his neck.

"Hey,"he replied vacantly.

"Long meeting?"

"Mm," he grunted, burying his face into the nape of her neck, smelling her hair.

Unable to suppress a smile at the way his lips felt against her skin, she nevertheless pressed him further.

"Castle."

"Mm."

"What happened?'

He emerged and **sighed wearily, sitting down on the couch. "Big news."**

**This didn't sound good.**

**She sat next to him, bracing herself for whatever he needed to tell her.**

**"Black Pawn wants me to do a Worldwide book tour."**

**She narrowed her eyebrows. "Ok." She stared at him, waiting for the catch.**

**"They really want to go all out for the last ****_Nikki Heat. _****Hit every continent. As many interviews, book signings, readings, panel discussions, you name it, as possible."**

**She still didn't get what the problem was. "Is it gonna conflict with the wedding?"**

**"No."**

**"Honeymoon?"**

**"No."**

**"Then why - " Sudden realisation hit her and she thought she might know why he was so sullen. "How long?" she asked, mildly afraid of the answer.**

**He took a deep breath. "Three months."**

**Her eyes widened. "Three months?" she echoed.**

**He nodded **solemnly.

"Well... what did you say."

"I said, 'Absolutely not. This isn't the right time for me take three months out of my life to sell a book that sells itself. It's a _Nikki Heat_Novel," I told them. "It's a Richard Castle novel," I told them. 'It's the last one in the series. It doesn't need the publicity.'"

"What did they say?"

"Not much. They just brought out this contract I signed agreeing to partake in any and all promotional activities related to books published by Black Pawn at the discretion of said publishers. I called my attorney afterwards. He said he'd go over my contract in the morning but it doesn't look good."

She nodded slowly, digesting the information. "When?" she asked finally.

"Next month."

She felt as if she'd been kicked in the gut. "Next month?! That's way too short notice. Can they even do that?"

"Apparently, they can."

She took a deep breath. "Wow," she said softly. "I wish I could go with you but even if I wasn't saving my Vacation Days for the honeymoon, I don't have nearly enough to cover three months."

He gave a small smile that didn't reach his eyes. "I know."

She suddenly turned her head, lost in thought, before turning back to him."Every continent?" she asked.

"Yeah."

"Even Antarctica?"

This time, the smile did reach his eyes. "Especially Antarctica. I'm very big with the penguins."

She rolled her eyes. Then, something occurred to her. "Hey, does this mean we should put off apartment hunting?"

"I think so. We'll also have to put our wedding plans on hold 'til I get back."

"Why would we have to do that?"

"Because I won't be here to plan with you."

"Sounds good to me."

"Hey, just because I won't be here doesn't give you the right to just take over. It's my wedding, too."

"But you've already had two weddings. This is the only one I'm gonna get. I should be able to choose what kind I want."

"Ok, fine, you can keep planning without me. But I'm still not getting married in the woods."

"Yeah, well, I'm still not getting married on top of the _Empire State Building._"

"Well, then, I challenge you to find a happy medium."

"I accept your challenge."

They shook on it, smiling, before the light mood wore off.

**Beckett sighed, leaning into his shoulder. "Three months," she said again.**

**"Three months," he confirmed.**

**There was a pause.**

**"Ok," she said finally. "We can handle three months."**

**"Oh, yeah, totally," said Castle.**

"We'll have phone calls." said Beckett.

"Texts."

"Letters."

"E-mails."

"Skype."

"Tweets."

She almost laughed before looking up at him, her eyes searching his determined gaze. **"We can do this."**

**"We can totally do this," he agreed**


	2. Big News: A Completely Excellent Idea

**_A/N: Extended Second Scene , when Castle has been gone for one day and is already freaking. Just trimmed the non-essential stuff._**

**_"I don't think I can do this."_**

**Kate shook her head incredulously as she held the phone wit one hand, filling out paperwork with the other. "Castle, it's been a day. We've been apart for more than one day before."**

**"****_But now, it's just sinking in. _**_ It's not just one day. It's three months._"

"We've done that, too_."_

"Before we were together – and even then it wasn't good for our relationship."

"We weren't in contact – and one of us was mad at the other in each one of those situations. We're gonna talk every day."_  
"It's not the same."_

"You're not even that far away. If I left now, I could probably be there in about twelve hours on my bike."

"Will you?" he asked hopefully.

She chuckled. "I have a job, Castle."

He sighed. "I know. I'm just thinking about **all the things we'll miss out on for the next three months."**

**"Well y'know," she said seductively, "there are still plenty of things we can do that only require a phone."**

**She grinned as she heard a hitch in his breathing.**

**"What, right now?"**

**"No!" she hissed. "Later."**

"Oh. Well, if I have to wait until you get off work, why can't we use S_kype?_"

She paused, thoughtfully. "Y'know," she replied slowly, "that sounds like a completely excellent idea."

**So, that's how it was. They kept in touch through technology, but Castle also liked to use Snail Mail, which, while impractical, meant so much more to her. There was something about a hand-written letter that just felt more personal**. Sometimes he just sent her postcards with dirty limericks written on them, which made for a very awkward moment when Alexis dropped in for a visit one day and decided to bring in their mail.

**At night – or day, depending on the time zones – they found other ways to stay... connected. Still, it wasn't the same. There was no substitute for his touch, the warmth of his breath, the feel of his skin on hers, the smell of his hair. **She missed him. He missed her. **He was right. This being apart Stuff was hard.**


	3. Big News: Dirty Talk

**A/N: This was originally how the third scene started. It shows the beginning of the phone call and leads into the argument you get the tail end of in the final edit. I ended up just lifting the whole beginning out. I'll admit, that shitted me off a little. There was some back and forth there about "arriving" that I really loved. I'm glad someone gets to see it.**

**_Six weeks later..._**

Beckett made an incoherent noise into her phone, still fast asleep. "Beckett," she managed drowsily.

"Kate," a gruff voice rep;ied on the other end.

"Castle?" She checked the time: **02:03.**

She'd thought they'd figured this time-zone thing out.

"I'm sorry, I need sleep. I have work."

"I need you." His voice was desperate.

She knew what he was talking about and she wasn't exactly in the mood. "Castle, I'm sorry -" she started again.

"It's been two weeks, Kate."

She groaned. "Castle, you know I've been busy with these last couple of cases."

"I know. But I can't... take care of myself any-more without you."

Despite her grumpiness, he had caught her attention. "What do you mean, you _can't_?"

"Not without your voice."

'So, you haven't... for_ two weeks_?"

"Every time I get close, I stop myself. I just can't bring myself to... _arrive_without you. It feels wrong, like I'm cheating on you. I haven't since we got together. Before this tour, I never needed to."

This should not be sweet. This should not be melting her heart. This should be creepy. It _was _creepy. And disturbing. And gross.

"Well, you have my permission to..._ arrive _me any time you want, as long as you don't bring anyone else with you."

"I don't want to without you."

"Well, it's either that or a cold shower. I'm not a twenty-four-hour sex hotline you can just call whenever you need to... lighten your load."

"I don't want a hotline. They don't participate. They don't know my body like you do. They don't know exactly what to say, and how to say it – and they definitely don't have your voice. That voice could melt stone."

"I'm not in the mood."

"Then why haven't you hung up on me?"

_Crap. _Truth was, she missed his voice. They hadn't really spoken much in the last few weeks, both being too busy; relying on letters, emails and tweets instead. So, she liked hearing it. She just didn't want to have phone sex.

Although, he was starting to test her resolve with his version of dirty talk. Really, it wasn't dirty at all. He liked using euphemisms and subtext. Well, they both did. It was kind of their thing. It was only natural it should spill over into their sex-life.

He also liked to be poetic, of course, playful with language. He _w_as a writer.

"_Because you're the one who's gonna pay the phone bill."_

"_Come on, Kate, don't you need me, too?"_

She sighed, "Don't."

"_Answer the question," _he commanded.

She wished she had the energy to chastise him for telling her what to do.

**"Right now, all I need is sleep. I'm ****_really _****not in the mood for anything else."**


	4. Big News: Damned Good

**Just tiny little snippets from when they're making out against the door that I thought added a little more intensity to the scene.**

**He responded eagerly, grabbing her by the rear and pressing her up against him. She breathed him in, touching him as much as possible, partly because it felt so **damned **good and partly to convince herself that this was **actually **real, that **he was real. **He was here, **not in Europe. And **he was kissing her, touching her **and **- **

_Oh, fuck__**.**_

** -** **it felt so wonderful.**

**She undid the bottom three buttons of his shirt so that she could feel his chest benueath her hands because **– _Oh, God, yes _– **she loved the sensation, not just of a man's chest in general but ****_his chest _****, had not been able to touch this chest in months, had dreamt about being able to feel it again.**


	5. Big News: Martha Knows Best

**If you haven't read chapter 9 of "How Many Ways To Say I Love You", Warning: Massive spoilers. This story didn't seem so long in my head, but I realised that this kind of goes past the natural end of the "How many ways to Say I Love you" premise and just meanders off. But I enjoyed my meandering and hope other peple do, too.**

He kissed her, chaste at first, but then his tongue grazed her lip and it was like greeting an old friend, and they held each other, smiling against each others' mouths.

She sighed when they broke apart, lifting a finger to his lips.

"You know, that's the first time we've done that since the night we made this little one," she said, patting her belly.

He stared at her in awe, his hand still stroking her stomach reverently. "_Made this little one,"_ he echoed_._ "God, I can't believe there's a baby in there."

"Neither can I.'

He spread his hands over her midsection to her hips, examining studiously.

"Actually," he said thoughtfully, "maybe I can. I think I can feel it."

"No, you can't. I'm only six weeks along. It's too early."

"It's subtle, and I didn't notice this early with Meredith, but I know your body backwards and forwards and there have definitely been some changes since last time I saw you. I thought maybe I'd forgotten just how beautiful you are, but I think – I think you've actually gotten even more beautiful. I didn't think that was even possible."

"That's pretty cheesy, Castle, even for you."

"It's true. And - " his hands slid up to her breasts, which she had to admit felt slightly more sensitive under his touch than usual. "These have definitely gotten a little bigger."

"Well, that's not exactly appropriate breakfast table conversation, now, is it?"

"Mother!" Castle practically yelped, withdrawing his hands immediately.

Beckett stood up.

"You're home! Can I have a hug or do you need to take a cold shower first?"

Comments like these used to embarrass Beckett but now, she just smirked.

"Don't be crass, mother," he said, rising to embrace her.

"Oh, I missed you," too, said Martha.

"Well of course, I missed you," said Castle as they broke off. "Uh... how much of that did you hear?"

"When I came in, I heard something about Meredith – not noticing something with her at first? And then you were saying that you thought Kate's body looked different. Well, Richard, I can tell you, that unlike your first wife, Kate has definitely not gotten anything surgically enhanced while you've been away. - certainly not her breasts. You've been gone three months. I think your mind's playing tricks."

He sighed in relief. "Well, if anyone would know about surgical enhancements, it would be you.."

She glared at him. ""Don't get me wrong, I'm glad you're home, but I'm not going to be slandered d like this. Actually, I need to make a phone call. Good to have you home, Kiddo."

"Good to be back."

He ran a hand through his hair after she left the room.

"I hope you don't mind, I'd like to wait until Alexis gets here. I wanna tell them both at the same time."

"I was thinking the same thing."

"Oh, wait! Do you want me to call your Dad over?"

"No, it's OK. You and I can tell him tonight at dinner."

"Oh, right! God it seems like forever ago that we planned that." Suddenly, his eyes centered on the coffee. "Hey, wait. You can't drink coffee!" he said,

"I know, but that doesn't mean I can't enjoy the smell."

"Actually, most pregnant women hate the smell of coffee."

"Well, I still love it."

"Yeah, well, Kate, it's still early. Usually it's later on that it starts to - "

Her face dropped. "Oh, no, no, no, don't say that," she said, running over to pick up her mug, sniffing it reverently.

Suppressing a chuckle, he shook his head in wonder.

"What?" she asked.

"Between the two of us, we're gonna have one weird kid."

She lit up. "I know. I can't wait."


	6. Big News: Can't Do That Over The Phone

**This is the last thing I wrote for this story, although I have a feeling there's gonna be more. To prevent too much confusion, I'll post it with this collection - at least the scenes that wrap up the conflict presented in this chapter.**

Alexis arrived about an hour later, by which time everyone had showered and dressed.

"Daddy!" she exclaimed, running into his arms.

He chucked as they hugged. "Oh, I missed you, Pumpkin."

"Mm, I missed you, too, Dad."

Beckett smiled fondly at the scene. She always liked watching them together but now it took on a different meaning. She was lucky. She'd already gotten to see what kind of father he was. If he was half as loving and adoring to their child as he was with Alexis, she knew he or she would be the happiest kid in the world.

"Martha," Beckett called. "Alexis is here!"

:Oh, wonderful," said Martha as she sauntered into the room.

"Uh, why don't you two take a seat? There's something we want to tell you."

Both looked confused but complied sitting down on the seat.

""What is it, Dad?"

"Uh... do you want to or should I?" Castle asked Beckett.

"You tell them."

He took a deep breath as the two stood in front of the expectant women, Beckett squeezing his hand in support..

"Kate and I are going to have a baby."

Both women looked shocked.

"What, you're... gonna start trying? Before you get married?

"Oh, don't be so old-fashioned, Alexis," said Martha. "I think that's a marvelous idea."

"Actually," said Kate, "we don't have to try. I'm already pregnant."

At first, there was a stunned silence.

"Oh, that's wonderful!" Martha cried, rising off the couch to embrace them simultaneously, eliciting chuckles from both.

"Thank-you, Martha, that means a lot."

"Oh, you're welcome. My Goodness, you're really one of us now. There's no turning back."

They all laughed except Alexis, who was still sitting.

"Well?" Castle asked, sitting next to her. "What do you think?"

"Um..." She tried to smile.

"What's wrong? Are you worried a baby will take your place? Because that's never gonna happen."

"No, it's not that."

"Then what?"

Alexis looked uncomfortable.

Beckett thought she knew what it was. Alexis was staring at her. Particularly, her stomach. Her very flat stomach.

"It's just a little... Dad, you've been gone three months. I mean, she should be showing, at least a little, by now."

"Well, she is," said Castle, getting up. "Allow me to demonstrate."

"Castle, no," Beckett said firmly stopping him with her hands. "Alexis, I'm only six weeks along."

Martha gasped.

Alexis took a deep breath, as if this had been what she was afraid of.

"What?" Castle asked.

"Alexis, it's not what you think" said Becket.

"And what do I think?" Alexis asked, not in a rude way, or even an angry way – she was quite calm, actually.

"That's what I would like to know," said Castle.

Alexis took a deep breath. "Dad, you do know you can't get someone pregnant over the phone, right?"

**Don't be too mad at Alexis. What's she supposed to think?**

**Yes, I know I've taken some liberties. Some women don't show until their third trimester - there have been some cases where women haven't shown at all. As a pre-med (I'm pretty sure she's pre-med) student, who's also quite intelligent, Alexis should be aware of this - but this is a deleted sacene; cut me some slack.**


	7. Big News: Feet on Ground, Head in Clouds

**Ok, you guys know this isn't an actual story, right? Just deleted/extra scenes. That having been said, it may become an actual story one day, when I'm not so effing busy. I'm glad that a couple of people seem so into it. This is it for now from Big News (although there is one extra snippet of a scene I forgot to write and then decided to leave out that I might post later. It's set earlier in the piece and has something to do with Beckett's knees).**

Castle looked confused. "Over the pho -" then comprehension darkened his gaze. "Wait a minute. You don't actually think -"

"Castle, it's ok."

"Post cards don't work either," said Alexis.

"I can't believe what I'm hearing You can't possibly think that Kate would ever - ever... I can't even say the words. It's too far-fetched, even for me."

"Well, then... how could she be six weeks along unless - " her eyes widened. "Unless you were here six weeks ago."

Castle looked very uncomfortable. "Um, yes, well, I had some time off in my schedule and it was two in the morning, I didn't have time to visit everyone..."

"So, you just..._ visited _Kate?" Her cheeks went red.

"I'm sorry I didn't pop in to see you."

"No, uh, it's ok," said Alexis, looking mortified. "You probably would have been arrested if you'd tried. Besides, I get it. I mean, I know how hard long distance can be on a relationship. Oh, God, I'm sorry, Kate," she said, getting up.

"That's ok," said Beckett. "It was a shock, and the Math didn't come out right - I might have suspected the same thing in your position."

"I don't think you would have. You do this for a living and it didn't add up. Even if that was who you are - which I know it's not - that makes no sense," said Alexis, "because when would you have the time? I know how over-worked you've been lately. Last week, I came over on a Saturday night to grab something and found you sleeping with your head in a bowl of cereal."

"Really?" said Castle, looking delighted.

"Well, I - pregnancy makes you tired. Oh, shut up."

"Wow. Oh, my God. Oh, my god. Wow. A baby. Uh - congratulations!" she said hugging them both. "I'm gonna be..." her eyes widened, " a big sister."

"Yeah, you are," grinned Castle.

"I can't imagine better person for the job," said Beckett.

"Oh!" said Martha.

Everyone stared at her.

"I just realised why you were, what do the kids call it, _feeling her up, _at the breakfast table this morning."

"Wow," said Alexis. "Really glad I missed that."

"There was nothing lewd going on. The changes a woman's body undergoes during pregnancy are beautiful a - wait, what was that you said about Post-cards? Kate , did you show her the post-cards?"

"Oh, God, there was more than one?"

"Of course, I didn't show her. She brought in the mail one day. Why is everybody thinking the worst oft me today? I'm somebody's mother, you know."

That grin came back to his face. "Yeah, you are," he said, stroking her stomach softly with his thumb.

"It's the most important job you'll ever have," said Martha. "Just be wary, if it's a boy. Mothers and daughters have a special relationship; but a man will fight tooth and nail to keep his mother in the dark about anything that's going on in his life. I hope your son never flies home from a trip while you're sleeping and then conceives a baby right under your roof without telling you."

He arched an eyebrow. "_Your_ roof?"

"Well, it's going to be my roof."

"I'm not selling you The Loft. It'll still be mine. I'm just gonna let you keep living here."

"Well, speaking of, we might have to start looking for houses, instead of apartments," said Kate.

"Why?" said Castle.

"Well... we're gonna be raising a child together."

He grinned again. "Yeah, we are. But I don't see how that means we have to do it in a house."

"Well... that's what you do."

"It's not what I did."

Beckett opened her mouth and then closed it. "Uh - well.."

"Alexis, how did you like growing up in The Loft?"

"Uh..." said Alexis, clearly not wanting to be caught in the middle, "I... have to go."

She kissed him on the head. "Good to have you back, Dad. Kate, look after yourself. Grams, go easy on him, he's an expectant father.

He grinned again. "Yeah, I am."

She glanced back at her father and his fiancïe' when she reached the door and smiled at the scene.

Castle's arm was wrapped possessively around Beckett's waist, his hand on her tummy.

Beckett was glowing with contentment.

Alexis sighed. "You guys - you're awesome," she said fondly, then she left.

"Such a great kid, " said Castle, as they walked to his bedroom.

"Yeah, she is," said Becket.

"Kind. Smart, Caring. Healthy, well-rounded - "

"Castle, I know what you're doing.:"

"What? he asked innocently as they stepped through the door.

"'Alexis didn't grow up in a house, and look how well she turned out.' You can't do that every time we disagree about a parenting decision. 'Oh, I let Alexis stay up until ten when she was five and look how responsible she is.' 'Oh, I gave Alexis x formula and look how well she developed. 'Oh, I used to read the Shining to Alexis before bed and look how smart she is. 'Oh, I used this potty training method with Alexis and see how well house-trained she is. I get it, you have a perfect daughter. You can't use that to get your way all the time. That's not fair. That's not equal. That's not a marriage.'

He sighed as they sat down on the bed. "You're right."

"Look, I know you've done this before and I haven't; and there are gonna be times when I need your experience. But this time around, you're not gonna be raising a kid yourself. I know you're used to being the one to make all the decisions - "

"Actually, Alexis has been making a lot of the decisions."

"Because you let her. Because you trust her. Because she's earned it. Because you're a wonderful father. All I'm asking is for the chance to show that I can be a good mother."

"Well -hey, of course, you're gonna be an awesome mother. Look -what you said - yeah, it is gonna take some adjustment, not doing it on my own this time. Gina once said that it was like Alexis and I had our own little world. I'm not - " he took a deep breath. "I'm not gonna have that with this kid."

She gave him a searching look, pleased that what she found was not disappointment but rather, excitement.

"It's not just going to be the two of us, it's gonna be the three of us."

"Four of us," she corrected..

"Right. Right,. There's another difference. AN older sibling. God. It's like we're a real family, or something."

She shook her head, smiling incredulously. "Yeah," she said, taking his hand. "That's what we are. We're a family."

He sighed in contentment, tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear.. "And maybe... it's not a real family unless we're in a house."

"No, that's not what I'm saying. Look, I grew up in an apartment and I loved it but... I pictured when I started my own family we'd have a house. I'm not saying I need a white picket fence or a dog - "

"Oh, we're definitely getting a dog."

"Thank God." They both let out short, breathy laughs. "I don't even need anything fancy - although I know that sentence is probably meaningless to you. I just think a kid needs a backyard, and neighbours his own age to play with and - "

"His?"

'Yeah, or hers."

"Yeah, well, probably hers."

"What makes you so sure.?"

"Because the gender is decided by the Dad. I have baby-girl making DNA.'  
"You made one girl. That doesn't guarantee the next one's gonna be the same."

'Right, it doesn't _guarantee_ it but so far, it's a 100% success rate."

She rolled her eyes. "Well, either way, as long as our baby is happy and healthy, I frankly don't give a crap."

He grinned.

"What?'

"_Our baby._ We have a baby. You and I... made a person – together."

She smiled back. "Yeah, that's pretty much where I've been for the last two days."

"I thought you took the test a week ago."

"Well... you know, it came as such a shock that for the past week I've basically just been processing it. I mean, I didn't know if I was ready to be a Mom. I was kind of freaking out a little but I've been gradually getting used to the idea. When the doctor said it was positive... I was so relieved and then just so happy. W made a baby."

"Yeah," he nodded, beaming blissfully at her. "And on the first try, too."

She narrowed her eyebrows. "What do you mean?"

"Well that's the only time we didn't use any form of birth control. I mean, high-five." He raised his hand.

Beckett wasn't going to do it but he was looking down at her so expectantly that she rolled her eyes and high-fived him. The way he lit up had her smiling even more.

"I think it was a combination of circumstances: the timing, you falling on top of me-"

"How does that make a difference?"

"Missionary is one of the top recommended conception positions."

"And just how do you know that?"

"I read," she aid defensively. "But you gotta admit, it was one of those things. I mean, God, when was the last time you were on top?'

"Are you kidding me? I'm on top all the t - "

"I meant... in a way that could actually get me pregnant if we hadn't been using protection."

"Oh. Uh, jeez, I don't know." He squinted. "That time at the Hamptons doesn't count, does it?"

"Which time?"

"The first weekend we spent there."

"Oh, no. But that that would have been a great night to make a baby."

"Yeah," said Castle fondly.

"Not that the night we actually made our baby wasn't great, but... that night at the Hamptons we had more time to savor every kiss, every touch, every movement..."

"Careful, Kate. Don't get me all aroused in front of the baby."

"Castle, if you think I'm going the next nine months without sex, you're crazier than I thought."

"Well, you might not want to."

"Oh, no, you've already ruined coffee for me today, you're not ruining sex, too. Besides, doesn't pregnancy make you super horny or something?"

"For some women, yeah. _Super _horny. Like, super super horny - "

He stopped when he realised she was glaring at him.. It seemed he was talking from experience.

"So I've heard."

She decided to let it go, as she did whenever the subject of Castle having had sex with other women came up.

"So, I think it was chance.," she said, getting back to the topic at hand.

"I don't know, sounds more like fate to me."

She gave a knowing smile. "You know what, Castle? I'm ok with you believing that. One of us should. I kind of wish I did."

"I like that. I think it''ll bring a nice balance to our parenting style. We''ll have a kid with her head in the clouds while her feet are still firmly on the ground."

"Well, we are both pretty tall," said Beckett.

"Mm," said Castle, laying with his elbows propped up, his head resting lightly on her stomach. "You hear that, little one? You're gonna be big and strong like an Amazon."

"Oh, God, Castle, you're not gonna go all Paul Buchman on me, are you?"

"Have you met me? Besides, studies have proven that a developing foetus responds to auditory stimulation."

"This early?"

He opened his mouth tho respond, but it seemed like she had him there. "Well, no harm getting in a little practice." He patted her belly. "Pretty soon you're gonna have a little bump here. And then, it's gonna be a big bump. Hey." He stopped. "You might have to get your dress resized – that is, if you still wanna go ahead with the - "

"We're not postponing our wedding, Castle. I'll take care of the dress."

"You don't mind walking down the aisle six months pregnant?"

"It's not nineteen fifty nine any more, Castle. Besides, everyone will know it's not a shotgun wedding – anyone who can count. Why, do you mind?"

"Are you kidding? That sounds awesome." He kissed her stomache.

Beckett felt sparks shooting through her body as her pulse rose and her skin tingled.

Castle paused and slowly looked up, apparently noticing the sudden change. "Kate, are you...?"

"Six weeks, Castle, six weeks."

He grinned. "Would you like me to take care of that for you?"

"I don't know, Castle; in front of the baby?"

"Kate, I'm not _really_ that crazy. Besides, it's perfectly safe – especially what I've got planned for starters," he smirked, slipping down her pants.

"I hope you can put your mouth where your mouth is," she said, trying to keep her breathing steady.

"And I hope..." He took a deep breath, gently stroking her belly. "I hope," he said simply, overwhelmed with happiness.

**Ok, I hope you guys don't feel too scewed over/misled by the "Cliffhanger". What happened was, I told myself I'd stop writing at a certain time. So, that's what I'd finished by that time. I only kept going after the fact because this is how I wanted to finish "Big News" but it didn't fit into the nature of "How Many Ways". Also, it felt like more of a screw-over to leave you hanging without some closure (Even if it was just a couple of lines of closure).**

**Really, though, I'm not a big believer in the "Alexis has to ruin everything for everyone all the time" rule. Since when did that ever happen in the show? As someone pointed out in the reviews, Alexis is just ovrerprotective of her father.**

**Yes, there is a reference to the best on-screen lesbian relationship of all time, and one of the worst on-screen hetero relationships of all time - in succession, actually. (Actually, I think Willow's bi but I guess it still counts as a lesbian relationship).**


	8. Big News: I Missed You

_**A/N: As it turns out, School Work is boring. And this other fic is driving me crazy. All these spoilers have had me changing everything. So, here's that extra knee scene I promised, perhaps a little earlier than you may have expected. It's set after sexy times, when they're still on the floor. It's very short but it's all I can give for now.**_

**"Hmm," she agreed softly.**

"Excuse me for a moment," he said, kneeling up. "There are two very precious indiduals I haven't seen in six weeks that i wanna say hi to."

"Well, Alexis is in her dorm but I guess you could wake Martha - "

"Not who I meant," said Castle, layng his hands on her legs.

"Oh, come on," laughed Beckett when she realised what was happening.

"Hey there," he said, bending down, his thumb gently stroking her knees. "I missed you. I'm sorry I couldn't spend more time with you tonight. But i promise, when you get home, we're gonna get a chance to reconnect, just you and me." And with that, he kissed them both reverently, while Beckett laughed. She stopped eventually, though, because it felt really nice. He liked doing this, alot, so, he'd gotten pretty good at it, his tongue moving softly over and under, causing sparks on her skin. Suddenly, he stopped. Why was he stopping?

"I have to go now," he whispered gently to them, with one last peck to each.

**He stood up, sliding up his pants and boxers.**


	9. Riding out the Storm

**StupendousBoo made a comment in the review for "Riding out the Storm" that it was a little too short and perhaps not quite detailed enough. I agree; I really need to work on my descriptions. So, this is an exerecise in descriptive writing. We'll start with an alternate version of scenario #15 and next chapter will be a more descriptive scenario #16. I decided not to bother with scenario #17 - there was alot more going on in that scenario and I dion't really think I could have added more than a few touches.  
I'm writing out of my comfort zone here.  
Special thank you also to katherine temperance who answered my question. The "Visiting Grandma" revference was in _Sex-Drive._**

The room was illuminated by blue, occasionally punctuated by lightning as the two bodies moved in tandem. Water rattled against the window. Castle and Beckett's hearts pounded in response to each other; the contact of skin on skin; the smell of sweat, wet hair and arousal; the taste of flesh on each other's mouths - hers deliciously sweet, his tantalisingly salty and crisp - spurred on by the thunder, accelerating the rhythm of their pulses.

Castle immersed himself in every part of her, caressing, sucking and teasing every piece of flesh he could find; all the while moving inside of her, worshipping her with his tongue, teeth, lips, hands and - well, other parts as well. Every part of him. She already had his heart. She might as well take the rest, too.

He was all too willing to give it to her, and she was a very grateful and eager recipient, revelling in his every flavour, his every scent, his every touch - smooth and rough; wildly passionate and quietly reverent. She was done with doubts, done with questions - at least for tonight. Tonight there was nothing but him, her and the absolute certainty that this was the one.

No matter what happened after tonight, she would carry this memory with her forever, this memory of joining with him. He was the love of her life. She pulled him in tighter at the mere idea of this being the only night because - no, no, she would do whatever she could to make certain that it wasn't. It couldn't be. There was just too much - too much...

"_Love_," she gasped against his clavicle.

Castle paused in his tongue's exploration of her neck to look down at her.

"I love you Castle," she whispered.

Her face was full of emotions; of contentment, unbridled passion, ecstasy, relief, joy and - yes, maybe love, too. Maybe.

She kept whispering, now too quiet for him to hear. He lowered himself so that his ear was next to her cheek.

" _- love you, I l love you, I love you - oh, so much _- "

He groaned into her hair and moved to her mouth, plunging his tongue in deeply, his actions met with an appreciative sigh as he continued to move inside of her, with her. Now was not the time for thinking or second-guessing. He could do that in the morning. Right now, he was perfectly content believing her, that she was genuine, that they had a shot, that this was real.


	10. Riding out the Storm: PostCoital

A steady stream of contentment flowed through her as she sated in his arms, intoxicated by the post-orgasmic afterglow. He hesitated in putting his arm around her, knowing how sensitive she might be in her current state, but she wrapped it around her shoulder, snuggling up to him, as if to say, "Don't be stupid, Castle." She listened as his heart suddenly slowed, bathing in his warmth, his gentle strength, and his scent, familiar but new. She took in a deep breath and exhaled.

This was perfect and she never wanted to leave. Her head was on his chest and his arm was around her. She was breathing him in, in all his delicious Castleness. She smiled in contentment, closing her eyes.

"I love you," she whispered.

Castle's breath caught for a second; and then, he relaxed. He looked down at her, saw the contented smile, felt her arm wrapped possessively around him and it was plain that she believed it right now. How she would feel in the morning remained to be seen. So, he didn't respond with words, instead opting to press his lips softly against the damp skin of her forehead.

She sighed contentedly at his kiss. She seemed so peaceful in his arms, so at home, that he allowed himself to consider the possibility that perhaps - just perhaps - she really did feel tat way - was at least on her way to feeling that way.

He decided that was enough for now, allowing himself to drift off with her to the kind of solace that only she and sleep could provide.


	11. Paintball: Pay Up

**Having a dirty mind like mine, I couldn't help wondering what Castle had in store for Beckett after winning the bet. I had a few spare moments while studying at the library and typed this up. It ends on a bit of a cliffhanger, so, if you want to see more, you have to let me know. To respond to the review made by the person who signed in as "Lifeisgood", I have said before that Big News may become it's own separate, expanded story. I can now reveal that I have started planning it as a story, and have a working title - not Big News; that's too obvious - as well as a rough outline. With any luck, the first chapter should be up by the end of this year. Fingers crossed.  
Any way, enjoy.**

Beckett made sure Castle had a drink of water before they left.

The drive back to the loft was quiet. Whenever she was able to, she squeezed his hand reassuringly, and once or twice, she even took her eyes off the road for a fraction of a second to give him an encouraging smile.

"We don't have to do anything if you don't want to," said Beckett when they got there.

He raised his eyebrows. "I thought you weren't backing out.""

"I'm not."

"Good. I can assure you, Detective," he said, inching closer towards her, "that everything that happens tonight will be what I want to happen. I'm in charge. I'm the master. _Your_ master."

He was so close to her now she could feel his breath brushing against her neck and wondered if he knew how much he was turning her on right now.

"Well, what are you waiting for, stud?" she smiled, quirking an eyebrow at him.

He simpered. "Wait here. I'll call you when I'm ready for you," he said enigmatically, disappearing into his bedroom.

Beckett shook her head incredulously, but as she waited for him to return, she shuffled uncomfortably in anticipation, fear of the unknown mingling with excitement.

"OK, " he called out five minutes later. "Come in."

Taking a breath to calm her nerves, Beckett walked through his study to the bedroom.

When she saw what was there, though, her smile dropped.

_Oh, no. No way. Hell, no._

"Problem, Detective?" Castle grinned.

Oh, she never should have let him win. What a stupid idea. Stupid, stupid idea.

She knew she'd never live it down if she backed out this early.

He knew it too, if that smirk was anything to go by. Oh, she would get him back for this. Yes, he would pay.

But not tonight. This was his night. Her love for him won out, just as it _always _did. So, she grinned and bore it.

"No problem, Castle."

"Master,"he corrected, no longer smiling.

"Master," she amended, smirking at his domineering tone. "Where do you want me?"she asked seductively, already knowing the answer.

""Bed.""

It was only then that she noticed he was holding a pair of hand-cuffs.


	12. Paintball: Setting Up

**So just what is that mysterious object in the middle of the room that has Beckett so freaked out? Read on and find out.**

They weren't her police cuffs, which she used recreationally on him when he stayed over at her place. . She was the one who liked to use them, but it was an experience he wasted no time in telling her he thoroughly enjoyed. Beckett had chided Castle at first for being "weird" when he'd asked her to keep a pair at the loft, but there had been moments when he'd been naughty, and without having her cuffs on her, she'd had to find other ways to subdue him while she punished him.

Not that that hadn't been fun in it's own right - she'd had a great time finding different things to tie him up with - but she had decided for "practical" reasons to buy a pair specifically built for... recreational use. She'd had a pair of her own, back when she was a little more by-the-book - post-Academy, pre-Castle Beckett never would have used her police cuffs for anything other than their intended use - but she hadn't bothered getting a new pair after her apartment had been blown to smithereens. Josh was the only other guy she'd slept with since then and he hadn't really been into the idea - which she hadn't really minded. Frankly, by then, she thought she'd moved past those sorts of activities into a more mature sexual relationship; but Castle, on the other hand, loved to play, loved to experiment, loved her being in charge - and she really didn't mind obliging him.

Not that Castle couldn't take charge when he wanted - he could be thrillingly take-charge when the mood was right. But when it came to the kinkier stuff - role playing, bondage, etc - he preferred to let her take the lead. Making up for lost time, reenacting all those years of fantasies, she figured. She had offerred to let him take charge - had fantasized quite a bit about it herself, actually - but he had just smiled, eyes sparkling and said he wanted to save it for "The right moment".

Well apparently, he'd found it. If it weren't for the other thing - the ominous object in the middle of the room that suggested the rest of his plans - she would be delighted. Instead, she was apprehensive, uneasy and wary. She couldn't let that show, though, so she complied, climbing onto the bed. At this point, Beckett noticed that in his other hand was the black scarf she often used to blindfold him and she couldn't help smiling slightly at that.

He placed the cuffs down on the dresser and moved forward to blindfold her from behind.

The fabric instantly blocked out all light.

"You ok?" he asked when he'd tied it. "Not too tight?"

'It's perfect," said Beckett.

"Can you see anything?"

"Not a thing," she said truthfully.

She heard him move away from the bed and tried to keep her breathing steady as she heard the tiny "beep" that indicated he had done what she had been dreading since she'd entered the room and saw the expensive piece of equipment he had set up.

He had turned the camera on.

**So, there you go. Now, I think it's quite clear what Castle has planned. If you'd like to see him carry it out, all you have to do is ask. Being as busy as I am, I'm only going to go to the trouble of writing it if I know people really want to read it. Hope you enjoyed!**


	13. Paintball: Comfort Zone

**Wow, I was not expecting that response. Due to popular demand, this will continue. You can all thank****_ justanotherfangirl41319 _****for this. If I had gotten no reviews for "Pay Up" I wouldn't have kept going in the first place.**

He had pressed record.

They had done so much stuff. There had still been a lot of stuff they hadn't done that Beckett had expressed interest in. Out of every possible scenario that existed, Castle had decided to do one of the few things she had said no to - and actually meant it. She had made it very clear that under no circumstances would there ever be a tape of the two of them being intimate. She occasionally let him bring the camera into the bed to record them kissing or enjoying playful banter, but whenever certain adult activities were about to transpire, it was turned off.

She knew from experience as a cop that, no matter how careful they were about hiding it, the chances of someone finding a sex tape were too great. Beckett didn't mind getting her photo taken with Castle coming out of Remy's or holding hands at the park but when it came to what happened in the bedroom - ok, not just the bedroom - was private. That belonged to her and Castle; no one else.

Nobody else had a right to see it. Besides, it was creepy. He had her. Why would he need to re-watch sexy-times when all he had to do was ask for a live-action replay?

Yes, she knew men were visual creatures; but this man had an imagination. This man had channeled his sexual frustration into four books. It wasn't necessary. And with him being semi-famous, if the tape was released, chances were a lot of people would see it.

She imagined a lot of people would pay good money to see the real-life Nikki and Rook getting frisky and it made her a little queasy.

She needed to get a grip. She was going to go through with this. God help her, she had to. If it had been any other day she wouldn't - but after today's events, she needed to do this for him, wanted to do this for him.

She would give him this; let him record it - maybe let him watch it once. And then, she would destroy the tape before he could make copies.

Still, even with her resolve, it didn't take away her apprehension. She felt like they were being watched.

"What's the safe-word?" he asked.

Of course, they both knew; but they needed to confirm it every time. Good boy.

"Apples," she said.

"I want you out of your comfort zone a little," he admitted. "But if it gets to the point where it's too uncomfortable, you don't need to be proud. Just stay the word, and it's over, ok?"

"Ok," she said, mouth dry. She tried to moisten her mouth with saliva from her throat. She may need it for what he had planned.

"Ok...?"

"Master," she said.

"Good slave."

He paused. She heard nothing. Not being able to know where he was, know what he was doing, increased her nerves.

"Ready?" she heard him say finally.

"Ready," she breathed.

There was another pause. when he spoke again, it was that same commanding, no-nonsense tone form earlier, and while it excited her, it also made her a little scared. Not of Castle, never of Castle. More a fear of the unknown.

"Take one."

**Ok, I know you hate me right now. We will get to the smut, I promise. But I can only do a page or so at a time and I don't want to keep you waiting too long for new updates. You don't need to ask for a new chapter; I will definitely see this through now that I know others want to see it through.**


	14. Paintball:Take One

Becket inhaled deeply before releasing the air out of her lungs.

"Are you ok?"he asked, suddenly concerned.

I'm fine, Master,"she replied.

And then, he was back in-character. "Good. The last thing I want is a slave who isn't up to her duties."

"What would you like my first duty to be, Master?"

He paused before replying. "Strip."

Why were her hands shaking? She'd done this in front of him dozens of times. She un-buttoned her top for him, trying to forget that there was a camera there, telling herself it was just her and Castle.

She removed the blouse and dropped it off the side.

She proceeded to lift her sports bra over her head, smiling slightly when he gave a sharp intake of breath. She liked knowing that she could still have that kind of affect on him, no matter how many times he'd seen her naked. She slowed down her movements, smiling flirtatiously as she disposed of the bra.

Feeling her way around the bed, she lay down, kicking off her shoes and sliding off her pants so that she was only in her panties. She tried to remember what pair she had put on that day. She knew they were silk, but was it the black pair; or the red ones?

Deciding it didn't matter, she raised her hips, bent her legs and pulled them slowly down, kicking them away with her foot.

His breathing was shallow. She wanted more. She wanted to see the look on his face.

She felt his weight on the bed as he lay next to her, wiping the hair out of her eyes.

He touched her; soft, feather-light touches starting at her temple and spreading through the rest of her body, ignoring the areas where she wanted him the most. He was still fully-clothed; she could feel his sleeves against her arm as he caressed her shoulders, the fabric of his pants as his leg brushed against hers.

The feel,of his warm breath against her face made thinking coherent thoughts next to impossible.

Then, she could feel him moving in closer as his warm lips pressed against her neck, one hand caressing her hip, the other in her hair.

She squirmed, grabbing on the sheets to keep from responding to his touch.

He opened his mouth and was dong very impressive things with his tongue across her clavicle and she just needed to breathe.

Suddenly, he stopped. What? Why was he stopping. Her skin ached at the loss of contact when he withdrew himself from her and rose from the bed.

"Sit up. Lean back against the pillows.""

She followed his instructions, using her hands to slide herself backwards until she could feel the pillows behind her and leaned back against the headboard.

"Smile for the camera."

Right, the camera. She attempted a sultry smile.

"Say you want this."

"I want this."

"Say you want to be filmed.""

She hesitated.

"Slave," he warned.

I want to be filmed," she managed to say.

"You like being watched don't you?"

"I like being watched by you, Master."

"You like being the centre of attention, don't you?"

"Yes, Master."

"Well, I'm a generous Master. I'm going to give you what you want. Touch yourself."

She stiffened.

"I'm waiting.'

Taking a deep breath, she placed her hand on her abdomen, adjusting her position slightly as she brought it down to her core, fingers sliding between her folds where she was swollen with arousal, wet and ready. She didn't mind doing this in front of Castle – loved it, actually – but again, that damned camera.

Her thumb automatically hooked around the hood of her clit and she covered her hand with the other for the assistance she knew she'd require.

"Action."

**I know, I'm evil. I actually had a lot more done and then I lost my work and had to start from scratch. Sorry.**


	15. Paintball: Action

She pushed in gently, stroking herself slowly the way she liked, sliding the base of her thumb across the hood of her clit.

It felt good – but it wasn't enough.

"Permission to speak, Master?"" she requested, without stopping.

"Permission granted,' he croaked.

_Oh, yes_. Her hips jerked against her hands.

"I'm a hard worker," she husked.

"I can see that," he said, voice dripping with arousal.

_So sexy. Sexy voice_

It was working.

"But I think I benefit from - "she whimpered at the mounting pleasure building within her, "positive reinforcement. Or,"she panted, "negative reinforcement. Whatever you wish. Master, would you mind talking me through this? So know if I'm doing a good job.""

She hoped he understood what she meant. She needed his voice. If she couldn't look at him, at least she could listen to him.

"I'm very pleased with your work," he said huskily. "I'm impressed with your technique. I think you're putting on a very good show for the camera."

She faltered slightly, but didn't stop. Why did he have to keep reminding her? She was doing so well.

"Are you self-conscious?" he asked.

"No, Master," she lied.

"This will be seen by an audience of one, and I can assure you, he is a very big fan of your work. So, there is nothing to be afraid of.'

_Nothing to be afraid of_. Of course he was right. This was Castle. This was just for Castle. No one else. God, that turned her on. Only he got to see her like this.

She trusted him. She knew she was safe in his hands. He would not allow this to be seen by anyone else. And suddenly, she was back in it, moaning, climbing faster towards her peak.

"You like the idea of him watching, don't you, you dirty little slave?" he growled. "I bet it just turns you on, knowing he's gonna see this, picturing him touching himself as he watches you."

She was glad now that he had done this. This was an excellent idea. Her head was foggy and her cheeks were hot, her forehead damp and he was recording her, for himself, and why was that so hot and –

"_Oh, Castle_, "she murmured, gathering more and more speed. She was so close.

Then, he surprised her.

"Stop."


	16. Paintball: Master is Hungry

**I can't believe I've gotten so many reviews and alerts for a story that isn't even technically a story. That's awesome.**

Evil. He was pure evil.

She did as he asked, relaxing her hands, inches from release, trying to catch her breath. She kept her right hand in place as she wiped the sweat from her brow with the other.

She wasn't really aware of sound at that moment so she was slightly taken by surprise when she felt his hand wrapping around her wrist, removing it from her wetness and gently moving it towards him.

She groaned when she felt his lips engulf the two fingers she'd had inside of her, sucking gently, and then licking off all remaining moisture like a man who'd spent a month in the desert.

His tongue traveled up her arm to her shoulder, and then he was on top of her on the bed - how did he get there so quickly? - and she was fighting every one of her instincts that just wanted to take him hard and fast and _now, _as this time he proceeded directly to one of her breasts while he caressed the other.

It was so overwhelming and yet she needed so much more; she needed to see him, needed to have him inside of her.

"Your master is very hungry," he rasped against her areola. "Are you going to feed him?"

"Take whatever you need, Master," she croaked out. "I'm yours."

"Yes, you are," he growled. And then his hot mouth was all around her nipple, instantly hardening, absolutely devouring her as his hand did the same to the other. She arched her back under him.

He nibbled greedily, reveling in his delicious torture of her.

"You _are_ mine," he said possessively when he finally released it. Large hands gripped her shoulders as he kissed his way lower, circling his tongue around her naval, eliciting a small gasp from her

_Oh, God, so good. Don't stop._

Everything seemed to be so hurried, so fast, until his tongue went lower.  
It all slowed down as he skirted down her abdomen, to her pelvic bone. Oh, he was going painfully slow and she resisted the urge to push her hips right into his face.

Instead, she lay in wait as his tongue flicked across her clit.

_Oh, fuck. _

Then his mouth was on her and all she could do was try to control the motions of her hips.

He was gentle at first, testing the waters, so to speak.

"Mm," he uttered, and the vibrations nearly sent her over the edge. "This is good, Slave. Very good. My compliments to the chef."

Ok, that made absolutely no sense but she didn't care because she was so close. Then, his tongue's explorations became more frantic. He sucked roughly at her, tongue rasping -_ oh, god_, was that his nose brushing against her clit? - and finally the damn burst.

"Castle!" she screamed as she shattered hard against his face. Everything went white for an instant and she felt very dizzy. Maybe she should ask him to take her blindfold off once the aftershocks wore off - but they just kept going. Her thighs pressed him tighter into her and he didn't stop, he _was still working on her,_ absolutely furiously fast, mouth, lips and tongue all working. The ecstasy overwhelmed her, spasms shaking through her sweaty body until finally, the shuddering slowed and she could breathe again.

**And we haven't even gotten to the cuffs yet. I just want to say, I know I'm not that great at writing smut but I think I'm getting better (read the opening sex scene in _Abandoned_ if you want a good chuckle. That was my first attempt).**


	17. Paintball: Make Me

She let out a deep sigh of contentment as her heartbeat began to slow. She needed to clear her head, move out of the haze that was clouding her, the haze of feeling so sated, happy and loved. Not that she needed to stop feeling those things - she could stand to feel this way for the rest of her life, actually - but that haze they were causing, together with the lack of vision, were making her feel very disoriented.

Her thighs had relaxed but Castle's head was still between them, resting on her pelvis while his thumb made circular motions on her hip.

Beckett patted around, searching for his other hand. She could feel his head rise when she found his hand, but no resistance when she pulled it towards her mouth, finding his thumb and sucking, hard, moaning at how good he tasted and felt. He shifted slightly but allowed her to continue. Smiling to herself ,she wondered how far she could push it; how much he would let her get away with before he -

Her stomach coiled and she felt a rush of adrenaline course through her, providing her with much needed energy. Her head was clearing now and she knew exactly what she needed -exactly what she wanted. She removed his hand from her mouth and clasped it with hers tightly, reaching down her body to his head and grabbing a fistful of hair when she found it. She had no way of knowing what he was thinking at this point, whether he was startled, annoyed or turned on - although she had a feeling it was a combination of all three.

She used the grip she had on him to pull herself up, eliciting a slightly pained grunt from her lover, who she could feel was now above her. She released his hand and hair and wrapped her legs around him, attempting to flip him over, but Castle used her temporary blindness to his advantage and stopped her. So, she attempted to remove his clothes instead.

it was frivolous to try in her current state without him letting her, but that didn't mean trying wasn't a whole lot of fun.

"What do you think you're doing, slave?' he growled, grabbing her wrists.

She grinned. "What does it look like I'm doing, Master?" she asked innocently, pulling him in closer with her legs, thrilling at the feeling of his erection through his pants.

"Don't patronise me," he warned. "Remember who's working for whom."

"No, I'm serious," she said earnestly. "You're going to have to tell me what it looks like because I wouldn't know."

"I'm the one giving the commands here."

"Then, by all means," she said, her voice low, "_command me_."

"Stand down, slave. You do not move unless I tell you to."

"Maybe I don't want to do what you tell me to. Maybe I want to call the shots."

"Well, you can't.," he said, moving his head away as she squirmed underneath him, searching for some part of him to kiss, lick, bite, anything. "You're my slave. Now, do as I tell you and stop moving."

"Make me."

He paused. Then, he released her wrists. She instantly pulled him down to her, seeking his lips - those warm, soft, satin lips. He allowed her to kiss him briefly before pulling himself off hi, unwrapping her legs and attempting to move away. She kept trying to grab him but he pulled himself off the bed.

She nearly fell after him.

Very carefully, she climbed off the bed, moving her arms around wildly. "Marco," she said desperately.

Then she heard a clinking sound.

Dear God, I hope that's what I think it is.

Suddenly she felt an arm around her.

"Back on to the bed," he said, guiding her so that she was laying back down.

"I was hoping I wouldn't have to use these," he said as he pulled her arms straight and she felt her hand being encircled by a cuff.

These were easier on the wrists than her own. As much as she loved playing rough with Castle,and kissing the red marks better, she preferred using these because really, she needed to make sure he was ok.

"That's funny because I was hoping the exact opposite."

She heard and felt him maneuvering the cuffs so that she would be cuffed to one of the bed-posts, before encircling the other wrist and locking with a light click.

**Ok, I promise the next chapter will have smut. I can't promise it will be the most hard-core thing you've ever read, but Castle and Beckett will definitely be visiting Grandma. I'm not sure when it'll be up. I'll try to get it done within the next day. If you're lucky you may get it sooner. I hope I haven't teased you guys so much that you're no longer interested.**


	18. Paintball: Caskett Handcuffs Awesome

**Well, here you go. Time to visit Grandma. Y'know what I said about this maybe not being that hardcore? Um, well... it still may not be the most hardcore thing you've ever read but it's pretty intense, at least to me.**

The feeling of suspense she felt, naked, hand-cuffed to his bed and waiting for him to make his move reminded her of reading one of his novels; pleasurable excitement and anticipation as she waited patiently for the ending to reveal itself. Then, she felt a large piece of fabric land on top of her.

His jacket.

Then she heard something that made her pull at the cuffs. Maybe it was wishful thinking but it sounded like a shirt unbuttoning. And she was missing it.

"Can you do that facing the camera?" she asked in frustration.

"No talking," he chuckled.

When the shirt landed on her legs, it came from the left side sided. The sound of him kicking off his shoes came from a completely different direction. He didn't throw his belt; instead, he gently placed it on top of her, and he was on the right side of the bed. She heard a zipper, wished she could be the one undressing him, or that she could at least watch. He laughed when her pants fell on her head. she wasn't sure which direction they came from; honestly wasn't sure about any of it - maybe she had misjudged. But she was certain he was moving all around the room as t he covered her with his clothes like she was some kind of laundry basket. Just exactly what was he playing at?

More importantly, why was it making her want him even more? She knew he must be just in his boxers now, and she listened intently; she didn't want to miss him taking them off.

Yes, yes, she could hear the fabric moving down his skin, could picture him revealing himself fully, could picture strong thighs, bent knees, ust the right amount of leg-hair - that was one particular fetish she was keeping to herself - and his foot; she could clearly hear him stepping out and pulling the garment off the other and then it was on her breast and as odd as she knew it was, she leaned forward to inhale the scent. She was wearing him now - not the way she'd like to, but she was draped in his smell, it was covering her and why wasn't he on top of her already?

She felt the bed sinking to the left side. He was sitting next to her, gently removing his clothes from her body, starting with his pants.

"God, you have no idea how ridiculous you look."

His voice was completely void of that commanding harshness; it was now soft and loving and she wasn't sure whether they were still playing , if she was allowed to talk, but she didn't care. She didn't need to talk. She just needed him

She arched into his touch at every contact through the fabric of his discarded clothing. When she was bare before him, he stroked her face softly before she felt the entire left side sinking further as he was apparently lying next to her. His hand was on her neck and Goddamn it, she didn't need any more foreplay. If_ he_ did, she'd be more than willing to oblige him with her mouth; but things didn't seem to be going that way. You never knew with Castle, though.

She did appreciate the feel of his bare skin against hers as his elbow brushed her breast. And then, agonizingly slowly, he shifted his weight as she felt his leg move between both of hers, kneeling over her, his hands on both shoulders. His mouth was on her throat and even though she was itching for him to just get inside of her already she really couldn't complain because - _oh, God, his mouth._

They were breathing together; he was so close and nowhere near close enough.

Then his mouth reached the centre of her breasts and she knew what was there, knew what he was doing; never felt more alive than when he kissed her there.

"Thank you," he whispered against her flesh. "Thank you for coming back to me."

She still didn't know if she was allowed to speak but that was probably irrelevant at this stage.

"Always," she whispered back. She couldn't look him in the eye; the word would just have to do. _I'll _always _come back to you. No matter what happens. If something should ever separate us, I will _always_ find you. I love you._

And with one more sweet kiss to her lips, he spread her legs apart and moved his other leg so he was kneeling between them. She could hear the sound of a packet being opened, feel a bit more movement.

Then, she felt his arms slip under her rear, lifting her up.

"Legs," he said simply. He was very good with these one-word commands. Straight to the point. Knowing what he wanted, she wrapped her legs around him, with his help.

Then, squeezing her buttocks, he gently eased himself inside of her, gripping her hips with his thumbs.

She had taught him this position - well, a version of it. It was a little different when the roles were reversed, he being a man and she being a woman; but in essence, it was pretty much the same. He gave her a second to adjust before he started to move her slowly. She was supported only by the bedpost and his body; and she hoped the cuffs would hold but if they did break she really wouldn't mind too much.

At this angle, his base was rubbing against her clit, and that combined with him thrusting inside off her, pulling her towards him and the sensation of being almost airborne caused her to moan appreciatively.

He gradually started to increase his rhythm. Her legs moved desperately to to keep up with him. Just because she was essentially chained to the bed did not mean he had to do all the work.

He grunted as he picked up even more speed.

"You like, that don' you, slave?"

Oh, they were back to the slave thing, she registered blindly.

"Yesssss," she hissed. _God, do not stop._

He was pushing even harder now and she was so, so dizzy; all that existed was him inside her. There was no bed; there was no ground, nothing but this feeling, this strong, overwhelming sensation - had he ever been this deep inside her before? Had he ever smelt so good? Had his voice ever been so deep as he uttered profanities and strange little insults that were really I-love-yous? No, he'd never said things like that. Well, the profanities.

Sweat. Sweat dripping. Air gushing through lungs. Nails digging into skin - yes, perfect.

And now, he was slamming into her so hard and she was screaming out just at the intensity but she wasn't quite there yet. Then, an odd thought occurred to her, the same thought she had every time they did this: _So much better without the tiger._

It was only when the she felt him vibrating that she reached her climax, even harder this time - so much harder.

"_God, Castle_!"

"_Kate_!" he replied when he spilled into her, and they rode out the waves together before coming back to earth.

For a moment they stayed like that, joined, in their own little bubble of exhausted bliss.

Finally, Beckett managed to form a coherent sentence between ragged breaths.

"Not bad for your first attempt."

**So, there you go. Hope it met up to your expectations. Now, we can leave it here or I can give you one more scene to wrap things up (not smut); it's entirely up to you.**


	19. It All Comes Down to Trust

**I based this camera on mine so if the kind of fancy expensive camera Castle would most likely have doesn't work that way, I'm sorry; but it works for the story.**

Castle chuckled in between his own gasps. "Well, I had a good teacher."

And that was one of the many things she loved about them as couple; that they were still learning things from each other. Just the other day he had shown her this amazing thing with - Well, no, if she thought about that she'd want to get going again; and it was better to give him time to recover. Still supporting her bottom, he slowly eased out of her, as she relaxed her legs and unwrapped them, letting them rest on the bed. He gently brought her back down, slowly sliding his hands out from under her. She knew he was just being gentle with her, but the movement sent shivers all the way through her.

She felt him move so that he was now laying next to her, and then, he removed the blind-fold.

Her eyes stung as she adjusted to the light. She blinked a couple of times and shook her head; but once everything cleared and stopped stinging, she finally got to look at him. They were on top of the covers, so, she got to drink in the view of him in all his glory. She had been in love with him long before she'd seen him naked, didn't care what he looked like. So, really, he didn't need to be this beautiful.

She would never get tired of Naked Castle.

"Are you finished with me, or do I have to say the safe-word to get my arms back so I can touch you?"

"My dear, Detective, I will never be finished with you," he smirked as he reached over to press the release button. "But, yes, Slave, I will set you free." No sooner had taken the cuffs of when she was suddenly on top of him, kissing him like crazy, her hands touching everywhere - well, not _everywhere _- frantically.

"So, I take it you enjoyed it?" he breathed when she came up for air.

"Oh, that was amazing - but I'm glad it's over now. One more second without being able to put my hands on you and I don't know what I would have done. But it doesn't matter whether _I_ liked it. It was all for you. So, how did _you_ like it?"

"Actually, as amazing as that was for me, Kate, it was really all for you."

"What are you talking about?"

He raised an eyebrow. "Oh, come on. Laser tag's one thing, but did you honestly think I'd believe that Richard Castle could beat Kate Beckett in a full-contact shoot-out? Give me a little credit."

She blushed slightly.

"You let me win, because you wanted this," he grinned, sliding his hand up and down her arm. "You like handing over the control once in a while. You like being told what to do."

"I do," she admitted. "But you have a few things to work on in the future."

"Well, I'm happy to learn if you don't mind showing me."

She raised her eyebrows flirtatiously. "My pleasure. Maybe we should start by watching back the tape and I can show you the areas you need to improve on."

"Uh, yeah, about that... there is no tape."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, there's a tape - I needed to make that beeping sound so that you would think it was recording but it won't do that without a tape. So, it recorded for about a second and then, I switched it off. So, it's blank."

She turned her head and sure enough, there was no red light.

"Why did you want me to think you were taping us?"

"Because you asked me not to. And the fact that you would let me anyway shows how much you trust me. And I can never get enough of that."

"You didn't know already?"

"Well, of course I knew; that's how I knew it would work. I also know you have the sexiest body in the world; that doesn't mean I'm ever going to want to stop looking. Quite the contrary, in fact," he smirked, looking her up and down. "But I would never actually film_... that_ when I knew you didn't want me to. Ew. Creepy."

"So, everything that just happened is... gone?" she couldn't help the twinge of disappointment that coursed through her.

"Well, no, that's what memories are for."

Yes, he was right but... she had sort of been looking forward to seeing it, to having it preserved, had even considered perhaps making a copy and keeping it locked in a safe somewhere, bringing it out occasionally for entertainment purposes...

Grabbing the hand-cuffs from him, she simpered at him and climbed off that beautiful body, rising from the bed.

"Whatcha doing?" he husked cautiously.

"That tape you put in; it's blank, right?'

He sat up slightly, narrowing his eyes. "Yeah," he said slowly.

"Good," she grinned as she turned the camera on and pressed "record".

When she turned back to face him, he was staring at her in awe.

It was with the utmost of confidence and absolutely no hesitation that she spoke her next words.

"Take two."

**I knew from the beginning what Castle was doing so I'm really glad you guys wanted me to keep going so I could show you that. Thanks to everyone who reviewed asking for more chapters. Really, just thanks for reading. This is it for the extra scenes from "Paintball." I hoped you enjoyed reading them as much as I enjoyed writing them.**


	20. I Just Called to Say

**Have you checked out castlecast yet?**

She was not hyperventilating. She was not freaking out over telling her boyfriend she loved him. It was a perfectly normal thing. Perfectly normal. And she had work to do. Paperwork and reports and other work-related things.

She didn't know why she was so embarrassed. She certainly wasn't ashamed of how she felt. It was just that sometimes – and this had been happening less and less lately – the depth and intencity of her feelings towards him rattled her.

And she had not been planning to tell him that over the phone. She hadn't known when exactly she would do it, but she'd thought it would be on her terms, that she would be in control of the situation, that she would calmly and frankly confess her feelings like an adult.

This made her feel like an impulsive school-girl.

After about twenty minutes of staring at the page, she decided to go make herself a coffee to clear her head; only to find, when she stood up, that she had already been beaten to the punch.

She smiled in spite of herself when she saw Richard castle walking towards her, carrying two coffees.

"Castle, what are you doing here? Aren't you supposed to be finishing your book?"

"Well, I thought I could take a little break for the woman who loves me," he said, barely suppressing a smug smile.

Beckett avoided his gaze, smiling sheepishly. She took a deep breath and managed to look him in the eye. "Look, Castle..."

"It's ok, You don't have to say anything. I just came to bring you coffee."

Beckett took the coffee, looking down, still smiling sheepishly. "Thanks, Castle." She sat down to drink it.

"Well, I guess I'll be - "

"Castle?"

"Yeah."

"Sit down."

He smirked. "Well, I suppose could hang around five -"

Beckett glared at him.

"Ten - "

She raised her eyebrows.

"Twenty minutes?" he asked uncertainly, sitting down. "Half an hour."

Beckett smiled again as she took a sip. "If you think you can spare the time."

But then her gaze met his as she found his hand under the desk and gave it a squeeze and she was reminded that sometimes comfortable silences are better than awkward words.


	21. Sleep: M-Rated Scenario - Fireworks

**Ok, you asked for it. Enjoy, you dirty perverts.**

It took a few moments to get her bearings. Though not an unpleasant way to wake up, she was completely disoriented, dizzy and overwhelmed by a sensory overload. It seemed like everything was working over-time in her body – her heart, lungs and – well, a lot of other things, too.

She felt as if she was split in two. Half of her was on fire, the other completely spent and stared, totally at peace.

She wasn't where she thought she'd been. Right. She was in bed. Castle's bed.

And he was looking down at her with a slightly dazed but somehow self-satisfied smile and she knew she must have said his name. The dream had been so intense, it had manifested itself physically.

Beckett took a deep breath and smiled mistily. "Hi," she replied.

"Good dream?"

Beckett bit her lip coyly. She could be embarrassed, or defensive – or just feign disgust at his smugness but... what was the point? She was done hiding the effect he had on her – in fact, him knowing was even more fun.

"Great dream," she sighed.

"Oh?" He leaned back on his elbow beside her.

"Hmm," she replied.

"Do tell."

"Well," she inhaled as she softly stroked his back, "it involved you, me and bubbles. Lots of bubbles."

He raised his eyebrows in delight.

"You want me to run you a bath, bring fantasy into reality? You just made one of my dreams come true.""

"Actually, do you mind just... holding me for a while?" She was still kind of wiped out, having just woken up - and that orgasm had probably contributed, too.

"No, no, of course not," he said, pulling her close.

Beckett could tell how hard it was for him to respect her wishes – literally; she could feel it through his boxes. She narrowed her eyebrows. "Castle?"

"Mm?" he breathed into her neck.

"Weren't you naked last night?"

"I went up to get something to drink."

"Oh," she nodded.

They lay in silence for a moment.

"I meant it,"she said finally.

"What?"

She took a deep breath. "what I said – well, screamed would probably be more accurate."

"Oh, I didn't think you knew I heard you."

"Well, I was pretty loud – and also, awake for that part."

"Oh," said Castle.

"it's not exactly how I planned to say it."

"Well, I for one quite enjoyed it."

"Oh, big surprise."

He grinned.

"So," she said, her fingers crawling down his chest, "maybe we should do somethin' about that little boxers issue."

"Oh," he breathed unevenly, "well, uh," he gulped, "first of all..._ little_?"

She bit her lip again in amusement. "They're stretchy," she said as she slipped said boxers off his legs.

"Touche," he grunted. "Secondly," he swallowed as she took hold of his pumping erection, "you're ready so soon? I mean you seemed - "

"Castle, you've seen me come twelve times in a row withhout missing a beat."

He couldn't help looking a little smug again as he smiled at the memory – well, _memories _if you counted that other time...

"Yes, I admit I needed a few moments this time, but I did just wake up."

"Didn't stop you in the past - "

"It was the combination," she cut him off. "But that's one of the many benefits of being a woman," she whispered against his earlobe, "quick recovery time."

He reached in between her legs to find her still absolutely dripping from her climax. They both groaned at the sensation.

"Mm, that being said," she breathed, "I'm still coming down, so could you take it a little easy on me?"

He smiled back at her lovingly. "Of course," he said, entering her gently from the side as they manoeuvred their legs around one another.

He nuzzled her neck, one hand caressing her rear. She unconsciously arched to push back into that hand. She enjoyed the feel of his back muscles against her fingertips, his belly against hers, her breasts against his chest. They were surrounding each other and it was blissful. Then his mouth covered hers in a gentle caress. He was being gentle with his tongue, tracing the shape of her lips without entrance, pressing lightly against them. He was moving inside her though, a slight, barely there motion that gently rocked them, a sweet soothing feeling...like they could stay like this forever.

So Beckett mirrored him, reciprocating with soft kisses, keeping his languid pace. Her own body was pretty relaxed. There was an intimacy to this, a physical connection without urgency, only smiling kisses and unashamedly sappy, adoring gazes as she stared into those big, blue eyes.

She buried her face against his shoulder. He cupped her face in his hand, not forcing her, rather encouraging her, to keep looking at him.

"I love you, too."

His hand had moved, was now stroking her hair. He moved inside her again, and her body followed his subtle withdrawal, clinging to him. He smiled against her hair and slid back to where he'd been.

He kissed her before she could respond, deeper now, his tongue sliding into her eager mouth.

They kissed for a while; she wasn't sure how long. Sweet and slow, fierce and fast.

It was like some sort of explosive. It started with a tiny spark, that made it's way down the wire, rapidly moving closer and closer until it found it's destination and -

Fireworks.


	22. Probable Cause - Waking Up like This

**ACCIDENTLY UPLOADED THIS TO "HOW MANY WAYS TO SAY I LOVE YOU". OOPS. SORRY.**

**Prelude to an up-coming scenario. Because there just aren't enough ****_Probable Cause_**** stories floating around out there. I'm not a big fan of present tense but that's how this one came to me. More scenes coming before I finally post the scenario. Hopefully before it airs in the US. I haven't seen the first four episodes; only synopsises and sneak peeks, so, I'm kind of flying blind here. From a suggestion by Sonicaskettshipper.  
Takes place at the beginning of the episode. Spoilers for the synopsis, interviews, sneak peeks and the promo. Except this scene doesn't really at all actually - you could read it as a one-shot - but later, there will definitely be spoilers.**

**This will most likely be posted like the Paintball extras - a page at a time, as it's written.**

She inhales deeply, arching her back and rubbing her eyes before exhaling. She glances at the clock. She doesn't have to get up just yet.

She stills for a moment when she feels movement behind her, then relaxes as she feels a warm body pressed against hers, a large arm wrapping around her loosely and the contact of soft lips on her shoulder.

A lazy smile plays at her lips as she remembers that Castle stayed here last night. Castle did a lot of things last night. Her smile broadens. She will never get tired of waking up like this.

"Morning." His voice is even deeper than usual when he first wakes up. It's sexy.

She rolls onto her back and looks up at him. His hair is tousled – bed-hair or sex-hair, she's not sure; probably both – and his eyes are still partially closed.

He looks as sexy in the morning as he sounds.

"Morning," she sighs contentedly.

"Sleep well?"

"Didn't get to do a whole lot of sleeping."

"Hmm, me neither. Probably gonna need a big breakfast. What's good to eat around here?'

Since she's been with Castle, she's started stocking her fridge more regularly.

She sighs contentedly as he begins nibbling at her earlobe. "Well, there's cereal..."

"Mmm..." he replies against her throat.

She takes another deep breath. "I know how much you like eggs and bacon and we've got plenty of that."

"_Ohhhh... _oh, I do."

She swallows when he reaches her collarbone.

"And – ah – there's also... - mm – pancakes," she gasps ats he kisses her breasts.

"That all sounds great," his muffled voice replies as his mouth skirts down lowere, "but I'm in the mood for something else."

She leans her head back and her eyes widen as he proceeds to show her exactly what he's hungry for -

They are interrupted by her phone. He slumps against her. She checks it. It's a text from work

"Body," she tells him reluctantly.

"Mm, it's great."

She rolls her eyes. "Not mine. Dead body."

" Just give me five minutes."

She chuckles and gently nudges him away. He groans as he unwillingly moves off of her.

"Don't tempt me."

"Well, do we at least have time to shower?"

"_I _have time to shower. _You _have time to shower. _We _don't have time to shower."

"I promise I'll be good," he whines.

"Well, I can't make the same promise."

He raises his eyebrows, and then grins. "My goodness, Detective Beckett, do you have no self-control?"

She smirks, kissing him slowly and sweetly. "Not when it comes to you," she says before rising not bothering to cover herself as she heads towards the bathroom.

He watches her leave, grinning. After debating inwardly for about thirty seconds, he starts to get up.

"Don't even think about it," she calls form the bathroom.

He freezes and his face drops in disappointment.


	23. Probable Cause: First, Last, Always

**Takes place after Sneak Peek 4. Definitely spoilers in this one.**

Watching Esposito put those cuffs on him, and seeing the way he had looked at her, that was tough. Watching the evidence pile up, faced with the prospect that Castle could go to prison for a crime he didn't commit and she may be one of the people to send him there, that was difficult. The idea that all her fears, anxieties and insecurities about this relationship may have been true, that he might have been with someone else while he was supposed to be committed to her... that was physically painful. But interviewing Martha and Alexis...

That was the worst.

She came with them to visit Castle in his cell. She stood in silence and watched them through the bars. She knows how excruciating it was for him to have to speak to his daughter like this. After they left, she stepped in and asked for a few moments alone.

That's where she is now. In his cell. With him.

For a while, they sit across from each other in silence.

"Castle..." she starts.

"What?"

She takes a deep breath. "I don't know. I don't know what to say."

"How about that you believe me? That you know I couldn't have possibly done this?"

"Well, of course, I know that, Castle.'  
"Really? You didn't seem so sure when you came to my home to arrest me; or when you interrogated me."

"Castle, I was just doing my job."

"Yeah. Yeah, I thought so, too; but when you asked me where I was on Friday night... it seemed like you were actually asking."

"I was. I need your alibi. It's the best shot we have. So, where were you?"

He stares into her eyes coldly, his jaw clenched.

It breaks her heart. He needs to stop doing that. She needs to stop loving him so much.

"Where do you think I was?"

"I don't know, Castle. You said you were with a friend. At the time, I didn't think it was important to ask who; but now, I'd say it's pretty damn important. Whoever it was could stop you from going to prison, so, I need a name."

"Do you think I'm lying about knowing Tessa? Do yo you think I was with her?"

Beckett didn't answer at first. "Well, were you?" she asks quietly, avoiding his gaze.

He's wearing a nameless expression when she finally forces herself to face him. It's not quite angry, not quite hurt, not quite betrayed; and yet somehow manages to convey all of those emotions. It hurts too much to see it so she looks away again.

"How can you ask me that? I'm with you. Why would I risk that by being with someone else – why would I _want _to be with anyone else - when I finally have you?"

She looks back at him. His face is filled with such sincerity and she so badly wants to believe him.

"I don't know, Castle. But then again, I don't know why your fingerprints were found at her place before you got there, why the man who bought that necklace for Tessa looks an awful look like you; why the exact amount for the necklace was pulled from your account that day, or why we found a bag of wire and hooks identical to the ones used to bind her to the roof of her apartment; or why you won't tell me where you were Friday Night. But I do know one thing: you didn't do this. I told you a long time ago that if you were ever locked up for something you didn't do, I'd get you out. I intend to keep that promise, Castle, whether I do it the right way or if I'm forced to take measures into my own hands. That's what partners do, and if nothing else we're still partners; first, last, always."

He stares quietly at her before speaking. "'If nothing else?' Kate, what are you saying?"

"I don't know, ok? I don't know!"

"Well, you should know. Why can't you just trust me?"

"Why won't you tell me where you were?" She tries really hard to hold back the tears, but they come anyway.

He softens and sits beside her.

"Kate."

She leans against his shoulder, lets him hold her, lets him be there for her, because that's all she can give him right now – and apparently, it's all he can give _her_ right now.

She'll take it.


	24. Probable Cause: Us

**Ok, the next installment will be uploaded to "How Many Ways To Say I Love You" and then I might put up one more chapter here after that. Hope that's not too convoluted. **

She tries to be professional. She tries to act like this is just another case. But it's not another case, and this is Lanie.

"I've been over everything," the doctor says, and she looks terrible. Beckett can tell she's probably gotten about as much sleep as she, Beckett, has – which is zero, since this whole thing started. "No matter how many angles I look at it from, Castle looks like the killer."

"Well, look again. There's gotta be something we're missing."

"I can look again but don't expect me to find anything different."

"What are you saying? You think he did it?"

"No, I'm saying whoever it is that's setting him up is smart and I don't know if we can beat him."

"That sounds like giving up to me."

"I'm not giving up, I'm just being realistic."

"I'm not gonna let them lock him up like some criminal, Lanie. I'm not gonna sit in court and watch you and Espo testify against him. Alexis is not going to see her father once a week through a piece of glass. That's not going to happen!"

"Beckett, calm down."

"Calm down?!"

"Kate."

Beckett breathes – or, tries too, but it hurts. Her lungs are full of molten liquid and she's visibly shaking. It hurts too much to breathe, hurts too much to think.

"I know this is hard on you. And I don't know how we're gonna figure this out, but we will."

Beckett can't say anything right now, so, she just nods.

"How's Castle holding up?"

"How do you think? He's been arrested for murder by the people he thought were his friends."

"Hey , Castle gets that this isn't personal."

"Yeah, I'm not so sure about that."

'Wait, he's not taking it out on you, is he?"

"No, it's just... this whole is taking its toll on us."

"'Us'? You mean your partnership?"

Beckett looks down.

Lanie's eye's widen slightly. "Oh. Your secret boyfriend. It's Castle, isn't it?"

Beckett doesn't reply. She doesn't need to.

"Oh, sweetie."

"It's not the murder, ok? I know he didn't do it. It's just... it's looking more and more like something happened with Tessa, and I wanna believe him when he says he didn't know her, but I just..."

"Kate, I let me tell you something. Castle has this image as this ladies man that he used to want to project - I think, to protect himself. But that's not who he is. That's never who he was. Trust me, I know cheaters and that man is not one. He is devoted to you."

"I know, I just – there's this voice of doubt in my head and no matter what I do I can't shut it out."

"Kate, we've worked together for a long time. I know you have great instincts. So, forget about your head, forget about your heart. What does your gut tell you?"


	25. Probable Cause: Intensity

**To clarify, I was referring to this story-line, the "Probable Cause" scenes I had written, when I said I was going to do one more. Neither series is over yet, don't worry.**

* * *

They're all over each other the second she closes the door. He seems to have an affinity for pushing her up against doors – not that she minds. She gasps as he slides a knee between her legs, hoisting her up. Her legs squeeze around his thigh – she didn't tell them to do that; that was their idea.

She is hot, damp and soaking through her pants and his own, he can feel her desire for him burning his leg; it's delicious. His lips push insistently against her throat and his tongue follows, tracing the line of her jaw. Her pulse accelerates with every second. He grins as he feels it thrumming beneath his tongue.

She is unbuttoning his shirt frantically and pulling it off him before moving onto his belt, which soon meets his shirt in some forgotten corner of the room. There should be a law against him wearing clothes. She should just be able to take him whenever she wants. She is not thinking rational thoughts right now.

She doesn't care. These thoughts are so much better when they're of Castle and the way he feels pressed against her, the way he smells, the way he looks as he watches her humping his leg, and the way he sounds, panting, breathless with want.

She arches against him, her hands feverish, jittery over his chest.

"_Castle_," she whimpers breathlessly. rocking over his thigh.

Her eyes are closed, the dark sweep of her lashes over her flushed cheeks, mouth open as she gasps, working herself up. He knows that she's close and he eggs her on, moving his leg back and forth at just the right angle, in just the right way while also opening the buttons of her shirt and pushing the fabric apart so he can access her chest, her fucking perfect breasts.

He presses his lips to the round scar between them, hears Kate's mewl above him. He moves his mouth to the right side of her chest, bringing his hand up to flick his tongue and his thumb at both tips of her round breasts at the same time.

This is her undoing. She arches violently and makes a noise between a sob and a groan, her body jerking against his, her hips dancing without rhythm, supported by his hands.

He stares up at her, his brow damp with sweat. He acts like such an immature little boy with everyone else so much of the time, but behind closed doors, he can be the exact opposite. It is in these moments that he proves to her that he is all man. No man has ever looked at her with the intensity that he does, the way he's looking at her right now – such _intensity -_ she wants to kiss him, she wants him inside her.

Once she gets her breathe back, he puts his hand around her nape and presses his large, soft, kissable lips against hers, massaging her tongue with his own languidly.

Her eyes open, so dark, a little hazy still, but he can see the love swirling in them. "_Oh, Castle_,"

He stops to look at her again with those intense fucking eyes piercing right through her and then, slides his hand under her thigh, wrapping her leg around his waist. He lifts her up easily, an arm at her back, and walks them both to his bedroom.

She feels his hands slide in the non-existent space between her jeans and her burning skin, slowly peeling the denim off her, taking his time and teasing the revealed expanse of her legs with his lips, his teeth, driving her crazy. It's only been three days. Three days since he touched her like this.

It feels like an eternity.

He licks at the soft skin behind her knee and she arches, growls, so ready, all of her weeping for him, yearning for his touch and he doesn't crack a smile, doesn't look smug, just continues to stare at her intensely – oh, fuck, he's going to kill her.

He shucks her pants and her socks. His own pants are at his ankles and he kicks them off before he lowers himself to her again, hips meeting hips and chest meeting chest, and the burn of pleasure wiping her mind blank.

He kisses her slowly, thoroughly, running his tongue over the seam of her mouth before pushing it in ; and just that, the wet gliding, the low, humming sound he makes, is enough to leave her keening, sobbing for more into his neck.

Only his boxers left now. He's so determined, she probably isn't going to have another chance to talk for a while, and she really needs to say it again.

"I love you so much, Castle."

The expression on his face changes, softened by surprise, and then the burst of feeling in his gaze.

He drops back onto her, the brutal encounter of skins making her shudder, and kisses her ear, her jaw, her neck. Her mouth.

She hooks a leg around his thigh, pressing herself to his throbbing erection. He grunts and shifts, pushing down, and she has to close her eyes against it; it's too fucking good, too fucking amazing, he's so fucking fuckable.

She tugs off his boxers and then her fingers travel back up, meeting the soft skin of him, making him growl against her neck. She strokes gently, turning her head to brush her lips over the curve of his cheek.

His fingers slip through her heat, friction and tightening need, and then his head drops, a trail of his mouth moving down. She gasps and arches.

"God, I thought I was going to lose you," she whispers.

He pauses and pushes himself up on his forearms, meeting her gaze. "I thought I was gonna lose _you_."

At first she is confused; _she_ wasn't faced with lifetime inprisonment; but then she realises what he means. 3xk.

"Not an uncommon occurrence," she points out.

He looks into her eyes, his so dark, so serious, so _intense_, and he leans in close, brushes his lips to her cheekbone.

"Yeah, but before I used to have to go home and have nightmares about you dying," he murmurs.

Her heart nearly bursts.  
_Oh._  
He's right. This is the first time they've had I-nearly-died sex since the night they got together. This time, it's combined with I-nearly-went-to-prison sex.

Her hand closes around his erection again.

He growls, the sound so threatening and delicious against her skin, and he kisses her roughly, more teeth than tongue, his body hard and heavy and everything she wants.

"I'm not losing you," he tells her, rocking his pelvis against her, making her cry out, need breaking over her in waves, pushing her up into him.

And then his fingers are at her breasts, feather-soft, then harder as he pushes his thumbs against her nipples; his mouth is sucking intently on her pulse point, making her shudder in time with his exhales, her body coiled in one long thread of want, so sharp she doesn't know how she's still breathing at all.

She doesn't even feel him take off her underwear; she only knows when she feels his fingers pressing down into her wet heat, ragged sounds ripped from her throat, all of her at his mercy, desperate for release.

"I'm not – _hmm. God-Damn it, Castle, so good – _I'm not going anywhere._"_

He takes his fingers back, replacing them with his mouth, making her moan, making her sob, making her writhe until she comes, frenetic and breathless and adoring, breaking apart around his tongue, his touch.

When she can feel again, he's right there, so hard, pressing against her. She bites her lip, unable to look away, her eyes trapped in the intensity of his.

"It scares me how much I love you," he says, voice so dark, so rough she could come just from listening to it.

He rolls his hips against her, slowly, the tip of him sliding over her wet, sensitized flesh; she gasps.

He's merciless. He keeps going, unrelenting, keeps teasing her, brushing the length of him between her legs until she can't take it any more, until she's on fire, inside and out, all of her consumed by him, until nothing else matters.

She uses her combat training to flip him over and he gasps in surprise but she's already on top, straddling, looking down at his naked body and she wants all of him now.

Instead, she takes her time with him, like he took his time with her, spreading devoted, loving open-mouthed kisses down his jawline, to the base of his throat, to his clavicle, to his shoulders, down his chest.

His muscles bunch as she makes her way further down. She stops just after his naval, grinning up at him, and rises up again, slowly lowering herself down onto him.


	26. Probable Cause: Her Wicked Way

**Surprise. **

She breathes slowly as he fills her, not breaking eye-contact. He is inside her, in every way. She leans forward, gripping his shoulders as she starts to move. She gasps as he sits up, gripping her by the rear, sliding in further, her breast in his mouth.

Fuck, his mouth. All the while never leaving her gaze. Neither blinks. They are connected, they are together and they are in love.

"Hey," she smiles, wiping the hair out of his eyes.

"Hey," he croaks back in that low, sexy voice.

"You ok?" she breathes."

"Great," he breathes, "Fantastic, amazing, incredible."

Her smile widens into a full-on grin. She is so in love.

She leans her forehead against his.

"Good," she whispers, and kisses him.

He is inside her and she is inside him and the last three days never happened, no one and nothing that has ever come between them exists. It's just them.

His hand creeps down to her clit while his mouth returns to her breast and with a press of his thumb and a nip off his teeth, she's gone, mouth open at his neck as she keens desperately, everything out of her control.

"Kate!" comes his strangled cry as he tenses up and how could something this pure and deep and beautiful ever be called a sin?

Her head sinks into his shoulder and he holds her close, stroking her hair as he softens inside of her.

He starts to lift her off of him but she grips him tighter.

"No," she says softly. "Wanna stay like this a little longer."

It's not about the sex right now. She just wants him to stay inside her, feel that connection for as long as she can.

"Whatever you want," he says, kissing her temple.

Gently and gradually, he lays back, taking her with him.

She is laying on top of him, content.

"Told you I'd have my way with you," she says.

He rolls his eyes. "You always get your way in the end, don't you detective?"

She smiles smugly, kissing him. "And I always get my man."

His face changes. "What about in the meantime?"

He's talking about Tyson again.

She sighs. "We're nail him to the wall, Castle."

"Yeah, but until then, he's still out there, he' still killing. How many guys like me do you think have taken the fall for him over the last two years? How many other innocent men will continue to be locked up while he runs free killing more and more innocent women before we finally get him?"

"I don't know what to tell you, Castle. Not every story has a happy ending. But we will get him."

"It's not enough."

"Well, it's enough for me. It's enough for me that you're here. Maybe that's selfish but that's at least one less life he didn't get to take away. And he's not going to."

"Kate - "

"I don't care what he said, Castle. He's not touching you. He won't get anywhere near you. That is not an option."

"Hey, hey," he says, gently stroking her face. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have brought it up. It's ok. I'm here. You're right, "

She takes a deep breath, "I love you," she says, taking a finger into her mouth.

He smiles back. "I don't think I'm ever gonna get tired of hearing that."

"Well, that's good because you're gonna be hearing it a lot."

And with one last kiss, she lays back down in his arms, still connected to him, and together they fall asleep safely wrapped up in each other.

**Finally saw "After the Storm" (Yay!) Castle reminded me of Captain Von-Trappe in that episode. Anyway, enjoy "Probable Cause" and don't tell me if she says ILY.**


	27. Probable Cause: Snoring

**Last ****_Probable Cause_**** scene, with mere hours to spare. Can be read as a one-shot. Warning: this is the oddest piece of smut I've ever written, and I once wrote a story about necrophilia. This isn't as disturbing as that, but at least people have heard of that. I have never heard of this happening. I don't even know if it's possible. I have a sickness, ok?**

She's woken by his snoring. Not the sound. The vibration. He is still in her and his entire body is rocked by it.

She is startled at first. But then -

_Oh. Ohhhh._

She can feel it, coursing through. Especially_ - _

_Mm. _Every few seconds, it comes, it intrudes her. It feels deliciously wrong_._

This is odd. Really odd. She doesn't quite know the protocol here. Should she wake him up?

No, then it would stop.

_Oh, God,_ she's going to hell.

She lets out a whimper at the next one. _Oh, _she's close.

She sobs as with one more trembling quake, she comes.

"_Ah,_" she gasps.

They stop. He stirs. All she can do is slump against him as he wakes. He squints up at her,

"What...?"

He takes note of her glow, her exhaustion, ther sweat beading down her face and her guilty expression, not to mention the chasm of moisture surrounding him.

"Kate, did you...?"

"I didn't mean to. Your snoring woke me up. I didn't do anything. I just didn't stop it."

"Didn't stop... what?'

She looks away. "The vibrations," she says quietly.

He furrows his eyebrows. Then, suddenly, his eyes widen in comprehension. "You... form my snoring?"

She looks back at him sheepishly.

"Kinky," he laughs.

_Oh, God_, more vibrations.

He freezes at her reaction.

"Kate, are you... again?"

She nods, slowly.

He grins. "God, I love you."

She leans down to kiss him, but they both stiffen at the unexpected sensation of him hardening inside of her.

Then, she grins, and continues to lower herself, wrapping her arms around his neck and kissing him. How convenient.

She whimpers as he flips her over and moans as he is pushed in deeper.

She will never get sick of waking up like this.


	28. Dragon Spawn

**I mentioned I have an entire book of outlines for "How Many Ways to Say I Love You." Since this one's been officially jossed, I wrote it any way, but as a deleted scenario. Enjoy, bitches.**

"Kate!" said Martha when she answered the door. "What a pleasant surprise. I'm afraid Richard isn't here right now - "

"I know, Martha," Beckett said gravely. "I'm here to see you."

"Darling, what's wrong?"

Beckett sighed. "Can I come in?"

Martha eyed the folder in Beckett's arms.

"What's this about? Is this because of that raid in the sixties? Because I think the statue of limitations has well and truly - "

"You're not in trouble, Martha. I just need to ask you something."

"Well, then, come in, come in."

She entered and Martha closed the door behind her. "Can I get you something to drink?"

"No."

"Well, at least sit down - "

"I'd rather not."

Martha was starting to panic. "What is it? Is it Richard?"

"This... concerns him but don't worry, he's fine." She pulled out a sketch of a man from her folder and showed it to Martha.

She gasped.

"Do you recognise this man?"

Martha stared. "Where did you - ?"

"Answer the question, Martha."

Martha continued to look from the picture to Beckett before sighing. "It looks a lot like Richard's father."

Beckett nodded slowly, as if this was what she had been expecting. "Are you sure?"

"Well, it was a long time ago and we only met for one night, but – yes, I'm fairly sure."

Beckett nodded slowly and returned the picture to the folder.

"What's this about?"

"I can't tell you. I need to speak to Castle first. Until I do, I need you to keep this between us, Martha. I wanna tell him myself."

"Tell him what?"

"He'll explain it to you after I've explained it to him."

And with that she left, leaving a gaping Martha in her wake.

"Well," Martha muttered, "I need a drink."

* * *

She stood up when she heard the spare key through the door, preparing herself to tell him.

Castle sauntered through cheerfully, bags in hand, propping them on the kitchen counter.

"I brought Chinese! "

Beckett followed him into the kitchen.

"And... I got the good mustard you like," he said, bringing out the bottle and waving it proudly. "I also got Ice-cream! Strawberry!"

"Castle - "

"And for entertainment, I got you the complete box-set of _Nebula Nine_ on Blu-Ray!"

she smiled in spite of herself. "That's... really nice, Castle - "

"You and I are going to have a great night - " He cut off when he saw her face. "What's wrong?"

"I love you." The words were ripped from her before she realised.

Castle stared, his expression frozen in place. "Uh... what?"

The next thing he knew, she was kissing him urgently.

Castle was still frozen in shock.

"I love you," she breathed against him. "God, I love you so much."

Finally, he grinned. "Whoa, is this for the DVD?"

"This is for everything," she said, unbuttoning his shirt.

"Uh, Kate, the icecream 's gonna go cold."

"It's already cold, Castle."

"Uh, right, I mean it's gonna melt."

"Don't care," she gasped, and as she grabbed his crotch, Castle decided he didn't care either, lifting her up

onto the counter.

* * *

"Wow," Castle gasped against her temple as he kissed it gently before carefully withdrawing from her.

"Where did that come from?"

"You're just... amazing," she said.

"Well, I know," he smirked, "but... is there something wrong?"

Beckett sighed. "I have to tell you something.

They both sat up on the counter.

"Ok," said Castle. "What is it?

Beckett sighed again. "When I was in that room with Peterson, he said something to me. "

"Kate, the man is a liar."

"I know, Castle, but you need to hear this. Castle, he told me he was your father."

Castle stared. "Uh, Kate, that's ridiculous."

"I thought so, too. That's why I went to one of our sketch-artists at the precinct and I described him. I asked him to shave off about forty years and then I brought it to Martha."

"You went to my mother behind my back?"

"Castle - "

"When?"

"Yesterday. She – she identified him, Castle, without any prompting from me."

Castle got up, doing up his pants.

"So... my biological father is the guy that had your mother killed? The guy that had you shot? I come from him."

"Yes."

There was a long pause. "Can I... can I see the sketch?"

"Oh. Yeah, of course," she said, getting up and picking up the folder from the couch.

Castle stared at the sketch when she gave it to him.

"This is him?"

"Yeah."

"He looks like me."

"A little."

"So, that's what all this was about? You felt like you needed to compensate?"

"What?! No, Castle!"

"Well, then how do you explain the fact that you have never told me you loved me before and then you find out this and you're all over me!"

"Because I was afraid I was going to lose you once I told you the truth!"

"Then why did you tell me?!"

"Because you deserve to know."

Castle sighed. "Kate, I don't know – I don't know if I can do this."

"Do what?"

"Us."

She stared. "Are you breaking up with me?"

"Maybe that would be best. I don't know if we can survive this."

"No. No, sorry. Not acceptable.

"It's not entirely up to you.

"Well, it's not entirely up to you, either. There are two people in this relationship - "

"If one person wants it to be over, it's over. It's called being dumped, Becket. Now, you know what it's like to be on the receiving end."

"That's a stupid rule. As far as I'm concerned, we've reached an impasse."

Castle sighed. The woman was just too stubborn for her own good. "So, what do we do?'

She took a deep breath. "I guess... we take a break," the words tasted wrong in her mouth, "until one of us can convince the other."

"Can we see other people?"

Her mouth dropped open. "Other people?"

"Yeah, well, if we're on a break -

"No."

"What if I do?"

She stared at him, shaking her head. "That would... crush me, and if you'd really be willing to deliberately hurt me that badly... then, you're not the man I fell in love with, and maybe we shouldn't be together. Maybe. But even if you did, I think I might still feel the need to fight for us. I don't want to give up. I can't give up."

"How can you have any kind of future with me? How can you even look at me without being sick?"

"Castle, you're not him."

"Part of me is."

"That's genetics. It's what you are but it's not who you are."

"How are you going to explain to your children that their grandfather murdered their grandmother and tried to murder their mother?"

"Castle, we haven't even talked about kids - "

"But you want a family,right?"

"Well, one day, yeah."

"And you really want to poison them?"

"_Poison _them? You think Alexis is poisoned?"

Castle swallowed. "No."

"Does knowing that she's related to him make you love her any less?"

"Of course not."

"Than it would be no different with our kids. Castle, he might have informed your DNA but he didn't raise you. Alexis is who she is because she was raised by a caring, loving father. That's how it'll be for us. Come on, Castle. We've been through too much to let a slight complication - "

"A slight complication?!"

"Yeah."

"You're acting as if this isn't a big deal."

"Well, of course it's a big deal - it's a huge deal – but it's not worth losing you over. Nothing is worth that."

"Nothing?"

"Nothing."

He saw the determination in her eyes, the pure love.

_Fuck, she means it._

"It's going to be hard; I get that. But you know what's harder? Not being with you."

She needed him like he needed her; he could feel it. If his feelings were right, it would be cruel to walk away from her. If she loved him like he loved her, walking away – for any reason - would cause her intense visceral pain and he could not bring himself to do that to her.

"I'm sorry, Kate."

She held her breath. Did that mean, _I'm sorry I've been acting like a stupid little bitch, _or _I'm sorry, but I'm sill breaking up with you, you sad, pathetic woman_?

But then he was right in front of her, touching her, one hand on her nape, the other in her hair and her insides cheered.

"I'm sorry I've taken this so badly," he whispered.

She pulled him close to her, skin-to-skin.

"You scared the crap out of me," she whispered back.

"I'm sorry," he repeated.

"I love you so much."

"I love you too."

She swallowed his words with kisses, whispering "I love yous" against his mouth. She found now that she had finally said the words, she couldn't stop herself.

"We'll get through this," she told him between kisses.

"I hope so."


	29. Kitten

**A/N: Guys, I love you, but I asked you not to think about the previous chapter too much. The idea was drafted months ago, before I'd seen After The Storm, which I only just watched six days ago. After watching it, I realised there was no longer a place for it in "How Many Ways To Say I Love You", so, I posted it here, where deleted/alternate/extra scenes go. The Dragon in that story was an OC who had nothing to do with Canon as it is now or Bracken or anything that is relevant to current plotlines. Just chill out.  
Anyway, I'm still pretty busy at the moment, but when I have the time, I'm working on the next chapter for HMWTSILY, which is about Meredith and the spoilers for 5x10. Here is the outlined idea I had for a Meredith scenario before I saw those spoilers. Yes, it''s just two lines and the idea is pretty much identical to the majority of Meredith one-shots out there, I know. I've copied it verbatim from my notebook, with original title and number (numbered in order of when I had the idea. The scenarios do not appear in the order in which they were conceived).**

**#29**

**Jealousy**

Meredith shows up on Castle's doorstep and kisses him. Beckett is not happy and tells her in no uncertain terms that they are in love.


	30. Live Like You Were Dying: Double Trouble

**Continuation of #56 from chapter 35. For Little Lizzie Zentarra who wanted to "hear" their conversation about what happened. Well, to be honest, I didn't really envision a lot of talking going on once she got him alone - that was merely Castle's intention - but here you go anyway.**

He expected her to shut the door in his face. Her surly demeanour toward him hadn't changed when they'd gotten back to the precinct and she'd chosen to go home alone.

So, he was surprised when her arms flung around him the second he walked through the door.

Castle inched her forward and shut the door behind him.

She held on tighter.

"Hey," he muttered into her hair.

"Hmm," she sighed in reply.

"I'm sorry I don't charge my phone more often. My place is closer to Columbia than yours; after I dropped Alexis off, I collapsed on the couch. I didn't hear you call."

"I figured."

"When I woke up, I went straight back to your place. I rushed to the crime scene as soon as I got your message."

"It's ok. I know I can't know where you are all the time."

"Sure you can. You should. So, from now on, I'll always have my phone charged, and I'll call you whenever I go somewhere."

"Not necessary, Castle," she said, starting to lead him towards the bedroom.

"Well, you were pretty mad."  
"I wasn't mad at you ; i was mad at myself. I just took it out on you; I'm sorry."

He stopped her, taking her by the shoulders from behind and kissing her neck.

"Why were you mad at yourself?" he asked against her skin.

"For -_ ohhh_ - for putting you in the kind of situations where something like that could have happened to you," she sighed. "For being selfish and putting my own needs of having you around, what this partnership gives me, over your safety."

"You know, you're not the only one getting something out of this partnership," he whispered, unbuttoning her pyjama top.

"I understand the risks; just like you understand the risks of being a cop; and I don't take them lightly - maybe I did in the beginning, but not anymore. I know I have a partner that has my back no matter what; so from now on, I'm going to tell her where I am as often as possible so that she can be there for me and I can be there for her because we've already dived into this together and I'm not ready to stop swimming."

Beckett turned around in his arms, assisting in his removal of her top, grinning at his expression as his eyes feasted on her breasts.

"Neither am I," said Beckett, a twinkle in her eye as she attempted to lead him the rest of the way to the bedroom; they didn't make it past the doorway.


	31. Taking Her Time

**This was supposed to be a joke - hence, why it's here and not in How Many Ways to Say I Love You - but it ended up being pretty sweet, even if I do say so myself. I know some of you will want to chiv me for even suggesting that it could take this long but it's just for fun, really. Don't take it too seriously.**

She woke to the smell of pancakes and coffee. She grinned when she opened her eyes to find her husband carrying a breakfast tray into their bedroom.

"Happy Thirtieth Anniversary, Mrs. Castle."

"Wow;" she yawned as she sat up to take it. "I can't believe you're still trying to score points."

"Guess I'm just a dirty old man," he smiled, sitting down next to her on the bed to kiss her.

"Mmm, something's never change," she sighed contentedly against his lips, leaning her forehaed against his as he entwined his fingers with hers.

"So, don't get too comfortable; the party starts at one."

"Well, we wouldn't want to be late after all that trouble our children went to for us."

"Mm, no we wouldn't. Enjoy your breakfast."

With one last kiss, he stepped back up and made to leave the room.

"Oh, and Castle?"

"Hmm?" he smiled back.

"I love you."

Castle raised his bushy eyebrows.

"Thirty years of marriage and you're saying it now?"

She shrugged.

"I was taking my time."

Castle beamed in amusement and joy.

"You definitely took that. I love you, too beautiful."

"Save the sweet-talk for after the party, stud."


	32. Kyra - Very Loudly

**Alternate scene inspired by a guest reviewer. Guest reviewer, thank you. This is an awesome idea. I can't believe I didn't think of it first.**

"What did Kyra say to you?" Beckett asked Castle that night in their suite. They still had a few more days. Unlike Greg, Castle could afford more than a weekend.

"Are you jealous?"

"Don't flatter yourself, Castle. I'm just... curious."

"Is that the Russian word for "jealous"?"

"Castle."

He smiled.  
"She told me... not to mess it up, that you're way out of my league..."

"Sounds about right. What else?"

"Well..."

"Spit it out, Castle."

"She said it's clear that we - that is, you and I, that we're... in love."

She nodded slowly.

"Does that make you uncomfortable?"

"To be honest... yes, it does."

"Why?"

"Kyra's one of those open-book types who's not afraid to talk about her feelings, even if they're not her own. How you and I feel about each other, that's ours. It's a private thing."

"But... it _is_ a thing, right?"

Beckett moved back slightly, surveying him with a crooked smile and narrowed eyebrows.

"What are you doing?"

"What?" Castle asked, feigning innocence.

"You just want me to say it out loud, don't you?"

It was his turn to narrow his eyebrows.  
"'Say it?' Why, Katherine Beckett, whatever do you mean?"

Beckett's smile became less crooked and she shifted slightly so that she was leaning on her elbows, looking up at him.

"Castle, if you want me to say it, all you have to do is ask."

"Say what?"

"Seriously?"

"I don't know what you're talking about."

She shrugged and turned over.  
"Well, I'm not fussed either way. If you really don't care I guess I'll just... sleep."

"Ok."

"Ok," he squeaked.

"Goodnight."

"Goodnight."

He was an idiot. Why didn't he just ask? No. It didn't work that way. He wasn't supposed to ask. She was supposed to say it of her own volition.

However, that obviously wasn't who Beckett was. Of course, he knew without a flicker of a doubt that... Yeah, she did. Everybody could see it.

_Kyra _could see it. Well, she always _had_ been pretty perceptive. But still... He'd like Beckett to say it.

Even just once would be nice. If he asked...that would defeat the purpose. He'd leave it up to her. If she wanted to say it, she would; and if she didn't...

Well, that would be ok; because he knew, and that was enough. Castle smiled at Beckett, who rolled over, snuggling up too him, pressing her lips to his shoulder.

"Hey, sexy," she whispered, barely audible.

"Mmm," he replied, grinning.

"I love you."

_Oh, wow_. It felt even better than he'd imagined. Just the simple, honest truth.

"Kate," he croaked, "you didn't have to - "

"I told you all you had to do was ask."

"But... I didn't."

She stifled a laugh.  
"Yes, you were not asking very loudly," she said seductively against his skin.

"You see right through me," he husked in reply, pulling her naked body to his own.

"Lucky me."


	33. LLYWD: 57 - First Draft

"No. Not you, too. Castle. Rick. Don't - "

(Calls an ambulance)

"Richard Castle, if you die on me, I will kick your ass, do you hear me? It's ok, you're fine, everything's gonna be ok."

"Kate - "

"Shh, shh, don't talk, Rick, they'll be here soon, just relax; I've got you."

"I - l"

"No, shh. Don't. Don't say it."

" - love you."

"I'm not saying it back. 'Cause you're gonna be fine. The ambulance is gonna take you to the hospital, they're gonna fix you up, and _then_ I'll say it. This isn't -"

He weakly reached for her hand. She pushed it away, keeping both hands on his wound to stop the bleeding.

"Tell mother - "

She looked down at him.

"She was great. I had the best childhood And tell Alexis, I'll be there for her, no matter what -."

"Castle, you're gonna be fine."

"Kate. You, too. I know you don't believe it. But I will. Alw -"

Suddenly he stilled, his eyes closing as he slumped.

"Rick!"

He still had a pulse.

She nearly fell onto his body, relief ripping through her. Oh, God. She'd thought he'd...

That was probably tied for first place as the worst moment of her life so far.

_In the ambulance._

"Hey, RIck. We're taking you to hospital. Don't worry, Rick. Everything's gonna be fine." She took a deep breath. "God, you scared the crap out of me." She stroked his face, revelling in every breath he took.

"I love you so much."

He smiled weakly back at her.  
"I know, sweet heart."

Suddenly, the heart monitor went crazy.

"He's crashing."

"What?"

"Get back," the paramedic instructed.

Beckett watched in confusion as they filled his body full of electricity using their paddles, all the way to the hospital.

To no avail.

She was hysterical as she followed them through the hallway, in a panic as they told her to stop, and she had to let them take him away, releasing his limp hand from hers, anxiously pacing back and forth as she waited. They could bring him back, she told herself. They could.  
She called Martha and Alexis, while she waited. She didn't let on how serious it was; she didn't want them to panic- but she thought they might have heard it in her voice.

_Come on, how long does it take tore-start a heart?_

"Detective Beckett?"

She knew, as soon as she saw his face. Suddenly, all the panic, hysteria and anxiety disappeared, to be replaced with... nothing.

She could hear out his voice, as if it was very far away. Occasionally she could hear snippets like, "too much blood loss", "the best we could" and "so sorry for your loss."

Finally, she came back to herself, and could hear and see the world moving around her. People visiting loved ones, doctors carrying clip-boards, nurses speaking with reception about patient file-numbers; everything going on as if the world hadn't just ended.

It took all her effort to keep breathing; the pain in her chest was unbearable. She wanted to scream; she wanted to cry, she wanted to go to the precinct, storm that interrogation room and wring that woman's neck - but all she could do was stand there in defeat.

It was over. Richard Castle was dead.

She was completely numb, right up until Martha and Alexis showed up and she had to tell them.

Then, it was suddenly too much. This made it real. It couldn't be real. He couldn't be...

But he was.

And now she wasn't numb, and she wasn't in denial.

She was just angry.

**Found this the other day on my laptop. Thought it would be interesting for you to read this in its first incarnation. I'm sorry if I upset any one - again.**


	34. Ways She Amost Said It

**_Still on a hiatus from How Many Ways to Say I Love You; but I'm still working on other fanfiction. In the meantime try this tasty morsel, deleted form an upcoming chapter. Yeah, this has been done a squillion times. Boring. It makes less sense out of context but... enjoy, anyway._**

_If Gina had arrived at the precinct five minutes later_

"What's up?"

"Look... I know I'm not the easiest person to get to know, and... I don't always let on what's on my mind; but... this past year working with you..." How could she put into words how much it had meant to her? How much _he_ meant to her?  
"I've had a really good time," she said, finally settling on a word-choice she was comfortable with.

"Yeah, me, too," he smiled.

She smiled back, with renewed confidence. This wouldn't be so hard. She already knew how he felt about her, right? Right.

"So, I'm just going to say this and - "

_"... you don't have to make a big deal out of it, or think that I'm expecting anything in return - although if you do want to give something in return, I wouldn't object. It - uh..."_

_"Beckett, what are you trying to tell me?"_

_She took a deep breath.  
"I have feelings for you, and I know you have feelings for me, and so... I broke up with Tom today - because, it wasn't fair to stay in a relationship with him, when lately, I can't seem to get you off my mind. I don't want to rush into anything, y'know, I don't want you to feel like a rebound, but if that offer's still open... my answer is yes, Castle. I'd love to come to your place in the Hamptons. Just to talk. You know, get to know each other outside... all this, y'know, and then, just... see where it takes us."_

_"You _do _have feelings for me?" the look on his face was so endearingly hopeful and vulnerable that she felt the need to reassure him._

_"Yes, Rick," she said, taking his hand._

_Castle looked down at their joint palms in awe._

_"I really, really like you. In fact, I..." she took a deep breath. "I think I might even be falling in love with you."_

_He stared at her. Losing confidence, she started to withdraw her hand, but he gently but firmly held on._

_"Me, too," he said quietly, almost laughing in sheer happiness. "I...I'm falling for you, too."_

_"Really?" she laughed joyfully back. Even though she knew, it was still so amazing to hear._

_"Yeah, yeah, I... wow."_

_For a moment they simply stood, their hands intertwined, grinning at each other._

_"So, when did you want to leave?" Castle asked._

_"Oh, well... is now ok?"_

_"Yeah! Yeah. Oh, but, uh... uh, I've just got to make a quick call ok? Business."_

_"Finally getting back to Gina?"  
"Uh, yeah, well, she is my publisher," he laughed nervously. "I'll be super-quick. Do not go anywhere."_

_"Well, actually, I should probably grab my stuff."_

_"Oh, of course," he said, hitting himself in the head. "Doi! I guess I'll meet you at the elevator."_

_"Sounds good to me," she agreed, unable to stop herself from beaming. He turned towards the elevator to make his call then suddenly turned back around, stepped towards her and placed a firm yet gentle kiss on her lips._

_They stared blankly at each other before grinning again._

_"I should -"he indicated his phone._

_"Yeah, I need to - "_

_They broke apart._

_"Richard, I'm at the precinct now. I'm just about to get on the elevator."_

_"Actually, Gina, there's been a slight change of plans. I'm sorry, but, I can't take you down to the Hamptons this weekend."_

_"Richard, I am not going to let you copout. You have some serious work to do."_

_"And I'll do it, but uh, you see, if you come, it might be a little crowded."_

_There was silence._

_"Nikki changed her mind?" she said finally._

_"Her name is Kate - and yeah, she changed her mind."_

_"I thought you said she had a boyfriend."_

_"Well, nit any more. I'm sorry," he repeated. "It was really great catching up last night, but Kate and I need to talk"_

_"I understand, Richard. But you'd better meet your deadline or I will be coming to the Hamptons to personally rip you a new one."_

_"Wouldn't expect any less of you."_

_"Oh, and Richard?"_

_"Yeah."_

_"We're done. I mean it this time. Please don't ever do this to me again. Next time she breaks your heart, or next time you're lonely, or you're drunk and feeling sentimental, do not come crying to me. I just can't do it anymore."_

_"Gina, I really - "_

_"If you tell me you're sorry one more time, I will no longer be your publisher. Goodbye, Richard."_

_She hung up._

_"So, you ready?" Beckett asked as she approached him._

_"Yeah," said Castle, distracted. "You?"_

_"Yeah. Hey. Are you ok?"_

_"Hmm, oh yeah. Yeah. Never been better," he smiled._

_She smiled back as, arm in arm, they boarded the elevator together._


	35. Ways She Almost Said it: In The Freezer

_If Beckett had blacked out fifteen seconds later_

"Castle? Are you - there?"

"Yes, I'm r- right - I'm right here."

"Can't feel anything." She took a deep shuddering breath. "I - I always thought... being a cop, I'd take a bullet." She closed her eyes in resignation. "Never thought I'd freeze to death."

"Hey," he whispered against her hair, "w-we're not dead yet."

Castle, ever the optimist.

"I just wish this was one of your books and you could re-write the ending."

They both attempted to keep breathing in the freezing room.

"I'm s - I'm sorry," said Castle.

"For what?" It was barely an utterance.

"F- for being m-me. Going rogue. Getting you into - into this. If we hadn't gone on our own -"

"Shh, shh," she tried to soothe him. "Castle, no. "Kay? Shh." She took another breath. "You were right. We found the bomb. We were just too late, ok?"

She turned to face him. She didn't want him to spend his last moments blaming himself.

"Castle."

"Yeah?"

She reached out to touch him, though she couldn't feel it.  
"Thank you. For being there."

He held her tight and she almost felt warmth.

"Always.'

_Always.  
"I just want you to know how much I love you."_

_"I love you, too, Kate."_

_She smiled with her last ounce of strength._

_"I kn - "_

_Her arm slowly dropped and then went limp as she blacked out._

_Castle desperately moved his arms up and down her body to keep her warm with the friction.  
"Kate," he urged her. "Stay with me. Kate. Stay with me. "He held her tighter, willing her to keep breathing._

_The sound of footsteps roused him. He was able to make out two figures coming towards him with torches before he blacked out again._

_He came to with a start. All the sound, the lights of the ambulance, were disorienting as they drifted in and out of his awareness._

_"Easy, pal," the paramedic tried to tell him._

_"Beckett. Where is she?_

_"Sir, I'm going to need you to calm down._

_"Where is she?"_

_"She's going to be fine," a deadpan voice told him. "You're both fine. Got to you just in time."_

_"Josh?"_

_"Hey. So, you're recovering from a moderate case of hypothermia. You're going to be a little bit sluggish for a while but with some warmth and some fluids, you should be alright."_

_"W - I thought you were in Haiti."_

_"Didn't go," he shrugged dismissively. "It's going to hurt," he warned as he removed the drip. "Ok. Let's see if we can get you to sit up."_

_Caste grunted as Josh helped him._

_"Alright, move slowly. There you go."_

_"How long was I out?"_

_"I don't know; about an hour."_

_"The bomb!"_

_"Searched the entire warehouse," said Esposito. "It's gone."_

_"How did you find us?"_

_"Oh, Alexis called. Said you didn't come home."_

"Alexis? She's supposed out be out of town."

_"I guess she came back. We figured you were with Beckett, until Josh called."_

_This confused Castle at first - he _had_ been with Beckett - until he realised what he meant. They'd thought he was _with _Beckett. Until Josh called and they found out Beckett was still with him, and missing. Awkward._

_"We thought you must be out there doing' something' incredibly stupid against orders," said Ryan, "so, we sent patrol units everywhere we figured you'd be moronic enough to go. Found Beckett's car and we searched the area."_

_"Well, I'm glad my stupidity is predictable. You pulled us out of there?"_

_Ryan nodded._

_"Thanks."_

_Seeing Beckett over Ryan's shoulder, wrapped in a blanket, Castle didn't think he'd felt so relieved since the day he'd found Alexis sleeping on top of a pile of coats when she'd gone missing as a young child._

_She smiled at him._

_"So, your boy's back in town."_

_"Uh, yeah, "she said, exchanging an awkward look with the doctor, who looked away. "He came back," she said, avoiding Castle's gaze._

_"So what does that mean to you?"_

_"Well... if you'd asked me that question before we got in that freezer, I'd have said it meant we had a chance, but now..."_

_"What's changed?"_

_"You don't remember... what we said to each other?"_

_"No, I remember, I just... Are you still with Josh?"_

_"No. We just broke - wipe that smile off your face."_

_"I'm sorry."_

_"No, you're not."_

_"No, I'm not."_

_She softened.  
"We'll talk about this later, ok? I promise."_

_"Ok."_

_"And Castle? I meant what I said."_

_"I know. I did, too."_

_They allowed themselves one more moment to gaze into each other's eyes before Beckett straightened._

_"Come on. Fallon wants to debrief."_

* * *

_"Hell of a day, huh?'_

_"Hell of a day," she agreed._

_"Y'know, I was thinking, maybe we could... go grab a bite to eat; have that talk."_

_She brightened.  
"Yeah. Yeah, that sounds great."_


	36. Ways She Amost Said It: The Dirty Bomb

_If one of them had manned up when the bomb was about to go off_

_"_Castle," she whispered.

They joined hands, string at each other, dreading the inevitable.

_"I love you," she told him, right before he pulled all the wires out._

_They braced for an impact that never came, and half-laughed half-cried in relief when they realised Castle had stopped the bomb from going off, embracing_

_._

* * *

_"Oh, hey," said Beckett as Josh embraced her, watching Castle board the elevator._

_She broke off. "Uh, Josh... we need to talk."_

_Beckett didn't tell Castle that she and Josh had broken up right away. It was still so fresh. It wasn't until about a week later when they'd wrapped up the Soap Opera case and he gave her that signed _Temptation Lane_ poster that she finally felt ready._

_"How did you even get this?"_

_He shrugged.  
"I know people who know people."_

_She smiled sceptically knowing what he wanted in return._

_Castle lead forward, his head resting on his hand expectedly._

_"Ok..." she laughed nervously. "I was nine, and I had to get my tonsils taken out; and I was miserable and so my Mom took time off of work and... stayed with me and cuddled up in front of the TV on the couch and we would watch episodes of Temptation lane. So, every time I see it now," she beamed as she remembered, "I just - it makes me feel like home and... safe.  
"So, there you go. judge away."_

_"My DVR would make yours look like Masterpiece theatre. But I am glad to know this about you."_

_They simply stared, smiling into each other's eyes for several moments until Beckett broke the comfortable silence._

_"Have dinner with me."_

_Castle raised his eyebrows.  
"Excuse me?"_

_"Dinner. Have dinner with me. We don't have to go out. We can stay in. My place. I'll cook for you, maybe we'll... watch the Temptation Lane Episodes I DVR'd this week."_

_"You don't... have plans with Josh?"_

_"No, not tonight - or any other night. We broke up, last week; after I told you I loved you."_

_He stared at her.  
"I... that was a very charged moment, Beckett; I didn't know..."_

_"It was a real moment. I'm not asking you to marry me; I'm just asking you to dinner. So, will you have dinner with me?"_

_Castle beamed._

_"I would love to."_


	37. Ways She Almost Said it: On the Ground

_If Beckett had been able to talk_

"Kate. Shh. Kate, please. Stay with me, Kate. Don't leave me. Please. Stay with me, ok? Kate. I love you. I love you, Kate."

_"I - love you, too." It was an echo of a gasp, a hum of a whisper._

_But Castle heard her._

_And then, she closed her eyes._

Eight Months Later

_She thought time might stop when she exited the interrogation room to find Castle standing there._

_"Uh... Castle, hi. How long were you...?"_

_"Long enough that I think you and I need to have a talk. Can we go somewhere?"_

_"Uh, yeah, sure, I think they can handle things here without me."_

* * *

_"So," said Castle as they stood at the bomb-site, watching people lay down flowers, "when you said you remembered, was that just a tactic to get Bobby to confess or was it true?"_

_She took a deep breath.  
"It's true."_

_Castle nodded slowly._

_"Why?" he asked simply._

_"I knew that if you found out I remembered, we would have to talk about it and I wasn't ready to deal with it."_

_"I would have understood - "_

_"But see, Castle, we still would have had to talk about the fact that I didn't want to talk about it. It was just easier, to give me time."_

_"I don't think you understand the gravity of this situation. If you hadn't said it back, I might have thought you didn't feel the same way."_

_"Castle, I don't know what to say other than I'm sorry."_

_He took a deep breath.  
"You said you needed time. You've had time. Do you think you'll ever be ready?"_

_"I'm ready now. I'm in therapy dealing with everything, including what we said to each other that day."_

_"I didn't know you were seeing a therapist."_

_"Yeah, well, I didn't want to make excuses; I just wanted to put in the work. I'm still not exactly where I want to be but...I'm almost there. Until then, I don't want to waste any more time waiting. I want to give us a chance."_

_"You're sure?"_

_"Yes," she said, taking his hand._

_"Ok," he smiled. "If you're in, I'm in."_

_She smiled back.  
"I'm in."_


	38. Ways She Amost Said It: I Just Want You

_If Saying She Wanted him Hadn't Been enough_

_Goodbye, Kate, _he thought as he deleted the file, erasing her from his life once and for all.

Castle heaved a huge sigh. It was over. It was really over. Time to move on.

There was a knock at the door. Curious as to whom it could be, he answered. His polite expression dropped when he saw who it was: Kate Beckett, dripping wet from head-to-toe.

Silently reminding himself to let the doorman know she was no longer welcome, he set about getting rid of her as quickly as possible. She obviously hadn't gotten the message; obviously thought this was like all the other times he'd vowed to walk away only to come back running like a loyal puppy. She didn't get that he wasn't at her beck-and-call any more, that she couldn't just come to him when she needed something.

"Beckett, what do you want?" he asked, trying to keep his voice as cold as possible.

Beckett looked a t him as she never had before; like a blind woman seeing the sun for the first time.

"You," she said plainly, and before it could sink in what she had said, or how confidently she had said it, her lips were on his.

Shocked, he could do nothing but stand there as she assaulted his senses, all warm lips and cold hands and desperate breathing and _Kate._

She finally gave him a reprieve, her hands alternating between his face and shoulders.

"I'm so sorry, Castle," she whispered, and she sounded so sincere. "I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry."

She leant in for another kiss but he was ready this time. He gently but firmly pushed her away, but not before her lips had grazed against his.

She looked simultaneously stung, understanding and quietly determined all at once and it didn't make sense. He needed it to make sense.

"What happened?"

She bowed her head.

"He got away, "she said, looking up, "and I didn't care.

Castle stared down at her.

"I almost died," she told him, "and all I could think about was you." Her voice was low, now, husky as she kept her eyes on his. Eventually they lowered to his mouth.

"I just want you."

Once again, she chased his lips, and once again he rebuffed her, still processing this crazy scenario. It was over. They were over she couldn't just show up looking all hot and rain-soaked, telling him she wanted him and expect him to just forgive and forget. It was too late for that.

She'd made a choice. She wasn't his problem anymore. She didn't really want him. She was just using him. She - was caressing his cheek softly with her fingers.

_Shit._

She looked even better in the flash of blue light from the storm.

_It took everything he had not to push her against the door and take her right there but - No, no, it was too late._

_"Beckett, I'm sorry, I just - can't. You've hurt me too much. I just - "_

_"You've hurt me, too, Castle. We can move past. Only love can hurt like this." She continued to stroke his face. "I love you, too."_

_Castle didn't know much, could not comprehend much right now, but one thing he knew was this: she wasn't lying._

_The next thing he knew he had her pressed up against the door._

_He only gave her a brief moment's warning before he completed the journey to her mouth; she was all too willing to let him, basking in his frenzied kisses as he traced every piece of flesh he could find with his lips, his full, soft, warm lips, pouring every piece of his love into her through his passion, following the sparks of frisson over her skin down to her chest._

_He could feel the melted bud of flesh against his lips and without thinking; he undid the sole button on her top. All he knew was he needed to see it, but once he did, it was like he was frozen, staring down at her scar._

_That's when everything changed. Beckett took his hand and placed it there, as if telling him it was not only ok, but it was what she wanted. She wanted him to be at peace with what had happened to her, what he had said that day, and that she felt the same way, as she now was at peace with it; wanted to be truly vulnerable and intimate with him in every way, wanted to give herself to him._

_As if to cement this idea, she tenderly took hold of his chin and placed a gentle, soothing kiss on his lips, one he returned totally lost in her, in this amazing, complicated yet very simple moment of pure clarity._


	39. Ways She Almost Said It: 47 Seconds

_If Ryan had interrupted thirty seconds later..._

"Hey."

"Hey! Thanks," she said, taking the coffee he offered her.

"You got a sec?" he asked, sitting down.

"Yeah, what's up?'

"Um... I've been thinking - about the victims and all the opportunities they'll never have and I don't want that to happen. I've been..."

"..._holding something inside me for a long time, at first because I was scared to lose what we have, later because I didn't think you were ready to hear it, and I wanted to give you time to heal. But... we don't know how much time we have, so here it is.  
"The best part of my day, is getting to see your face light up when I bring you a cup of coffee. You are the strongest, most remarkable human being I have ever met and I am head over heels in love with you."_

_Beckett smiled, in shock, overwhelmed with emotion.  
"Wow, Castle, I... feel the same way. I love you too."_

_Castle sighed in relief at the wonderful sound of her words._

_"Castle, you're right. We shouldn't miss our opportunities. But if we're going to move forward with this, there's something you need to -"_

_"Beckett."_

_Beckett looked up._

"We got something'," said Ryan.

_"Uh..."_

_"It's ok," Castle said, suppressing a joyous grin, "whatever you have to tell me, it can wait 'til after the case."_


	40. Ways She Almost Said It: The Limey

_If Ryan had interrupted ninety seconds later (Damn it, Ryan)_

"Castle, you can't just share confidential information with an outsider."

"Even if it solves the case? I mean, she gave us a lead. That's more than you got at the consulate."

"And that's supposed to make this all ok?"

"Jacinda just wanted to help. What's the big deal?"

"You don't get it, do you?"

"I guess I don't."

"No, forget it, I guess you don't."

_"Well, then, why don't you explain it to me?"_

_"I said forget it."_

_He shrugged.  
"Fine." He took his coffee and started to leave._

_"It's our thing!"_

_He turned around._

_"It's none of my business who you sleep with; but now you're solving _our_ cases with random women you pick up at the airport?!"_

_"First of all, we met on the plane and second... seriously?! What about you and Gary Poppins?"_

_"That's different. It's my job. I had no choice. If it was up to me, you would be the only man by my side on every lead, every interrogation, and every case. Castle, when I told Alex Conrad to stop shadowing me, I thought we reached an understanding. I thought what we have meant as much to you as it does to me. I guess I was wrong."_

_Castle's voice was low and throaty when he finally spoke.  
"Is that why you lied?"_

_"Lied about what?"_

_"I know you remember, Beckett. I know you heard me tell you how I felt the day you were shot. Is that why you lied? Because you were afraid if you told me you didn't feel the same way I'd walk out on you, and you don't want to lose me? Because... it's ok if you don't want me, Beckett. If you care about me, you want me in your life, that's enough for me. I'll keep showing up as long as you need me."_

_"Castle." She stared at him in shock. "Oh, god, Castle, you've got it all wrong. I didn't lie because I don't love you. I lied because I do. I love you, Castle, so much it scares the crap out of me, and I'm sorry that I lied, but don't ever think I don't want you, because I do."_

_"Oh, my God. Kate... I'm sorry. I'll end things with Jacinda. I -Can you forgive me?"_

_She smiled.  
"If you can forgive me."_

_They stared at each other for a while, before falling into a desperate embrace._


	41. Ways She Almost Said It: After Hours

**_Second chapter of Pros and Cons is coming, I promise. I just need to stop getting distracted by other fanfics and shiny objects._**

_If she'd been so relieved she'd forgotten herself_

"I thought I'd lost you."

"No, no, never, never, never."

_"Oh, I love you, Castle."_

_Castle froze in her arms._

_"Castle, my cuffs."_

_"Right, right," he said proceeding to take off her cuffs, staring at her._

_"What?"_

_He shook his head, stunned.  
"Wow."_


	42. WSASI: Significant Others

_If she'd said it the other way round_

**I know why some of these are so short. 'Cos I don't have to set up the scene, and in some of them, things wouldn't have been that different so there's not much more to add.**

"Ok, what did she say about me?"

Beckett merely stared at his reflection in the mirror.

"Oh, come on; I get it, I get it. I mishandled this whole thing and I am sorry. Believe me, I am sorry. Please, tell me what Meredith said."

"Is it anything I need to be worried about?"

Becket nearly laughed.  
"You know what, Castle?" she smiled, turning to put her arms around him, "as much as I'd like to continue torturing you, I actually love you a little more now."

Castles' eyes widened and his head nearly bumped into hers as he leaned forward.  
"Did you just say 'love"?"

She smiled.  
"Yes, I did.'


	43. Ways She Almost Said It: Secret Santa

_If Beckett had been overcome by the spirit of Christmas_

"It's beautiful," she told him as she looked at the impressively dressed tree.

They exchanged a knowing smile before kissing, slowly, softly, sweetly.

_"I love you," she whispered._

_There was a pause._

_"Wow, now I feel really bad that I didn't get you anything."_

_"What?!"_


End file.
